Page 64 of The Amendment

She gave a nod. “What’s overwhelming?”

“All of this. I mean, I wanted to see you with Pete, but he won’t come with me. He says he doesn’t think you can help.” I corrected myself. “Notyou, specifically. Just therapy in general.” Inhaling deeply, I leaned over my knees. “I’m sorry, can we start over?”

“Just breathe, Annie…” She instructed, her tone soothing. “Just take a breath. Let’s start out with why you think you’re here.”

I nodded.ThatI could answer. “I’m here because…sometimes I think I can’t trust my husband. And I’m not sure if that’s ahimproblem or ameproblem.”

“Okay. And what specifically are you struggling to trust him with? Has he been unfaithful?”

I looked away, unsure how to answer that question. Of course he’d been unfaithful. Once when he’d had permission to be, but countless other times, too. The problem was, it wasn’t the infidelity that bothered me. Not really. It was everything else.

“No. Not really.”

She waited for me to say more.

“This is a safe space. Whatever you say here, you can trust that I won’t say a word to Pete.”

I rested my head in my palms. It had been so long since I felt safe. Perhaps I was only realizing that for the first time right then. What I’d mistaken as safety with Peter hadn’t felt like this.

Here, I was in a cocoon.

Home felt like a web.

“Pete’s not unfaithful, but he’s obsessive…”

“Over you?”

“No. Over his hobbies.”

“Fencing,” she filled in, obviously remembering the subject that had taken up so much of our time during the couple’s session.

“Right.”

“And that makes you feel lonely.”

“He won’t let me do it with him. I mean, there’ve been a few times. And when we do, it’s really good. Great, actually. It’s like, that’s the only time we can connect.”

“When you fence?”

If she thought it was odd, she wasn’t letting on.

“Right, but it’s like he gets possessive over it. He won’t let me all the way in.”

She tilted her head to the side slightly. It was rare to talk to someone who really cared to listen. Joanna was that kind of person, even if it was only because she was being paid. “Tell me, does Pete involve himself in your hobbies? Does he make an effort to do the things you enjoy?”

What did I enjoy? Truth was, I had no idea anymore.

“Not really, no.”

“Do you invite him to join you?”

I chewed my bottom lip. “I don’t really have hobbies.”

“Everybody has hobbies…”

“My best friend, Glennon, she’s the one who spends time with me when I just need to relax. But we don’t really do anything. Just watch trashy TV and snack, usually.”

“A woman after my own heart.” She smiled. So, wewerealike. “And how does Pete feel about that? About Glennon being the person you go to when you need to relax?”

---