Page 81 of The Amendment

“Just put that down, so we can talk.”

“I thought if I proved to you that I was with you—no matter what—I just knew that finally you’d let me in. That things would go back to normal. But you don’tdonormal, do you, Peter? Normal isn’t exciting enough for you? See, you can tell me all these lies about how it isn’t about attraction, it’s all about power, but…” She huffed. “I gave you the power. I backed off. I did everything right. I let you control it.”

“Control what?”

“Everything!”she shouted, swatting her leg. “Our lives. Us. Everything. I played the doting little wife, and it still wasn’t enough.” She let out an exasperated sigh. “And that’s when I realized this was never about me. It was always…about…you.” She pointed the tip of the knife at me. “See, I thought I could fix you. I thought somehow you were different from Chris and Jim and all these other monsters, because you had a good side. A loving side.” She faked a pout. “But I’m realizing that those sides don’t matter.”

“Of course they do—”

“They don’t.” She shook her head, backing away from me. “I will always love you, Peter, because you gave me our kids. And you gave them the best of yourself. But there is something deeply wrong with you. Something no amount of whatever I can do will fix. Turns out I’m not as good a fixer as I thought.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m done. I’m done trying. I’m done stressing. I’m taking my kids and doing what I should’ve done all those years ago when I found out what you were doing.” She bent over her knees, her hair dangling toward the floor as she released an exhausted gasp. “I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to do it.”

“Ains, I’m not like them… Look, you’re not making sense. I know you’re mad. I should’ve told you about Joanna, but she means nothing to me. I just wanted to protect you from her. I didn’t want you to have to be involved in any more—”

“Shut up!” she bellowed, moving toward me with the knife again. “Enough of your lies and yourprotection, Peter. The only thing I ever needed to be protected from was you.”

“That’s not true, that’s not—”

“It is. Itistrue.”

She wasn’t making any sense. She wasn’t being rational. I just needed her to calm down. To listen to me. I could make her understand. If she knew that Joanna had figured out the truth—that we’d never actually meantfencing—she’d understand. She had to.

“I never touched Joanna. Do you hear me? I had her here, not because I was obsessed with her, but because I wanted to keep her away from the police. I did that for you! For Maisy! You can ask her yourself. She’ll tell you—”

“No, I don’t think I can.” She cut me off, giving a wide shake of her head with a maniacal grin on her lips.

“What are you talking about?” My chest felt hollow.

“I’m sorry, Peter. If there was any other way, believe me, I’d have found it by now. But I can’t do this. I can’t keep living like this.”

“Living like what? What are you talking about? What are you going to do?” I scoffed. “Kill me? C’mon, Ains, we love each other. We’re in this together, right? A team? This is just a misunderstanding.”

“You’re right about one thing, Peter. There has been a misunderstanding… For several years now. But at this exact moment, I’m clearer than I’ve ever been. I don’t want to be on a team with you. And you don’t really want to be on a team with me, either. For so long, I’ve wished you would. For so long. But wishing isn’t doing me any good anymore. You’ve shown me who you are, and now, I have to make a choice about whoIam.” She jabbed her finger into her chest.

“Please, let’s just talk. What’s your plan? You have to at least have a plan… Let’s just figure this out. We can always figure things out, right? Ains? You and me?”

“I don’t need your help. I have a plan. I’m going to take the kids on a long vacation. When we come back, the house will have burned to the ground.”

Fear gripped my organs. Was she insane?

I took solace in the fact that if she burned the house, this room wouldn’t burn with it. It was concrete on every side. We’d be safe. But would I starve? I tried to calculate in my head how long I could last. How long would it take me to free myself?

As if she’d read my mind, she added, “I’ll start two fires. One in here, one in the house… You’ll have been supposed to join us, but we’ll return home when we start to worry. I’ve already typed out your goodbye email—well, more of a confession really—and scheduled it to send after we leave. The guilt of it all was just too much for you to bear.” She was emotionless as she said it. Cold and calculating.

“It’s the middle of the night. You can’t take them on vacation now. They’ll know something’s up. You aren’t being rational.”

“Oh, don’t worry. We aren’t leaving now. I’m going to tell them you got sent away for work and we’ll leave in afew days to meet you. But then, you’ll get sent away again before we get there.” She waved a hand as if to say it was too much to explain. “It’s a whole thing. But that’s the beauty of this room, isn’t it? No one will know you’re here. You can scream and shout and beg and cry… And no one willeverknow.” She gave an accepting nod. “Well, no one but me, obviously. It’s kind of full circle, really. I’m sure you can’t appreciate the humor right now, but, you know…maybe someday.” She winced. “Or not.”

“You can’t do this. You’re not this person.”

“Correction: Iwasn’tthis person. But you made me into her.” She rested her hands on her hips, staring into space as the realization hit her. “Itreallyis full circle, isn’t it? I’m killing you because you taught me how. And I’m doing it in the room where you killed a whole lotta people.” She chuckled, flipping her hair over her shoulder and glancing at the clock. “Anyway, we should probably get this over with.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out another syringe. “You shouldn’t feel a thing. I promise, I’m going to make it peaceful. I’ll at least give you that courtesy.”

“Ainsley, wait! Please.” She moved toward me, and I caught the glint of tears in her eyes. I could stop her. I could reason with her. She was close to breaking. I could break her. “Please. I love you. I love you. I swear. Think about the kids. Think about Maisy. They need me. They need their dad. Who’s going to walk her down the aisle? You can’t do this. Come on… What about our future? Our grandkids? Their graduations. Please. Please. You don’t want to do this. Trust me, you can’t handle it. It’ll destroy you! Please. I love you! God, I love you so much! Please don’t do this!”

She grabbed hold of my neck. “You’ve given me no choice.”

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