Page 69 of The Amendment

“I’m just not really feeling it right now.”

“Why not?”

He pushed up from the bed, unbuttoning his shirt with his back to me.

“I just told you I’m exhausted. Work’s been hectic. It’s just not a good time.”

“So let me help take your mind off of things.” I tried to ease him out of his shirt.

“I said no, okay?”His tone was sharper than I’d ever heard it, cracking through the air.

I took a step back as if I’d been slapped. “Have… Have I done something wrong?” I felt vulnerable, an emotion that made me sick. I’d never been one to beg for anyone’s attention, but I’d done it with Peter for the sake of our kids. For the sake of our marriage.

The desire to keep it up was waning fast.

“No, you haven’t done anything wrong.” His eyes were apologetic as he moved forward, kissing my cheek. “I’m sorry I snapped. I just don’t want to do it right now, okay? You’ll be the first to know when I do.”

“Well, what if I want to?”

Did I?

Did it matter?

He shook his head. “Stop it. Okay? Just stop. We have to be smart about this. Let’s just let it all die down for a bit, and then maybe in a few months…”

“Maybe in a few months, what? You’ll be able to look at me again? To touch me? To fuck me?”

“Keep your voice down.” He groaned, wincing. He may as well have gagged.

“Peter, please, can you just look at me?” I begged. Ihated this version of myself. I hated who he was turning me into.

He turned to look at me finally, his eyes practically glazing over. “What do you want from me, Ainsley?What?”

I opened my mouth, prepared to say so much, but I didn’t know where to start. “Is it because of Joanna? Because I said no? Because if that’s what it’ll take to fix whatever’s wrong, let’s just do it. Whatever you want.” I didn’t know if I meant it, but I needed to see what he’d say. It seemed as if everything had changed from the moment we met her.

“It’s not about her.” His face drew down into a scowl. “God, I haven’t thought about her since our session. Work has just been crazy. I just need a minute, okay? Nothing’s wrong with us. I swear.” He lowered his voice, stepping forward and taking my hands. He kissed my cheek, my hands, my fingers. “I love you. We’re fine. Everything’s fine. Don’t worry so much, okay?” He squeezed my hands, then dropped them and turned away, pulling off his shirt without another word.

Conversation over.

Except it was far from over.

And we were far from fine.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

PETER

“You seem different this evening. Is everything okay?” Joanna asked, watching me from across the room. I’d spent most of the session pacing after my fight with Ainsley, but I didn’t want to tell her that.

I didn’t want to talk about Ainsley at all, truth be told.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” I took a seat, trying to quiet my fidgeting. “Just a rough week at work.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“I don’t want to bore you.”

Her smile was stiff. She seemed tired.

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