Page 39 of The Amendment

He inhaled sharply, then released it slowly. His nod was serious. “Okay. Alright. I’m sorry. I’m listening.”

“You’re lying to me about your friend from the other night.”

He blanched, but didn’t speak. He was waiting to see what I knew.

“I don’t know why he was there, but I know he wasn’t there to ask you for relationship advice. What could he possibly have been there to talk to you about that made you unable to tell me the truth? With all I know about you, all you’ve confessed to me, what could be worse than that?”

He visibly deflated and flopped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “You’re right.”

I knew I was, but I didn’t need to confirm that.

“Jim wasn’t there for relationship advice. The truth is, I couldn’t tell you why he was there.”

“Why’s that?”

His mouth twisted in thought before he groaned. “Because I was embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed, why?”

He lowered his voice, still not meeting my eyes. “I just found out some of the people I work with were questioned about me when Stefan went missing before. During the investigation.”

My blood ran cold.“What?”

“Yeah, actually, Jim was the one who mentioned it.” This was one of the rare times I couldn’t tell if he was lying. His cheeks were pink, but perhaps it was due to embarrassment after all. “And so I’ve been trying to warm him up to me, to find out what exactly he told the police. What exactly they asked.”

I masked my inner turmoil with a deceptive calmness. As usual, he had no idea the degree of fear that was raging through me. “Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“Because I was panicked and I didn’t want to upset you until I’d figured out whether or not we should be worried.”

“But it was back then, right? Not recently.”

“Yeah,” he said quickly. “Yeah, from what he’s said. That was why I didn’t want you talking to him. I didn’t want him to slip up and say something to you before I’d had a chance to tell you myself. Maybe it was wrong, but I was trying to protect you.”

“That still doesn’t explain why he had to come over in the middle of the night.”

He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling, as if he were reading a script. “Well, the first time he came over, it really was because he had to get paperwork for the job. That was when he mentioned that the police had been to see him. I’ve been trying to catch him alone to ask him about what they said, but there hasn’t been a good chance.So, I asked him to come over and bring me a few of those papers back just so we could talk.”

It made sense, I supposed. In a Peter sort of way.

“And what did he tell you?”

“Just that they asked if he’d ever seen me acting in a way that seemed suspicious. He said he told him no, that I’m a great guy. They asked if I’d ever mentioned Stefan and he hadn’t heard of him. And I think they asked about our marriage, if I’d let on that we were having problems, but Jim was kind enough not to mention that.”

“So you don’t think there’s anything to worry about, then?”

“No.” He breathed out a sigh of relief, kissing my forehead. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth sooner. I was only trying to protect you.”

I allowed him to feel good about himself for the moment, then said, “I don’t want you to protect me, Peter. I just want you to be honest with me. I’m trying to do better about being controlling—really, I am. But you have to be up front with me when I ask you about things. We’re a team. That’s what we agreed.”

“Understood.” He ran a hand across my cheek again. “Promise.”

My eyes danced between his as I tried to decide if I could trust him. I wanted to so badly, and I knew that was my downfall. I’d always wanted to trust him, even when he’d proven to me why I shouldn’t.

“Why doyouwant to be withme, anyway?” he asked, and I found my eyes blurring, then refocusing as I thought about the question. “You asked me, but you’ve never toldme your answer. Why do you stay with me after everything?”

“Because I love you. And I love our family. And our kids. I don’t want to disrupt that. I won’t lie to you and say it hasn’t been difficult. But I’ve had time to process and I believe we can get better. If you want to. I believe everything can be fixed.”

“But what if I can’t?” The vulnerability of the question didn’t carry over into his tone. It felt more like a challenge than anything.

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