Page 17 of The Amendment

“What do you mean?” I asked again, feeling vomit rising in my chest.

He leaned down, gripping the back of my neck tight with one hand. “I said, do you want a turn?”

I jerked out of his grasp. “What the fuck are you talking about? What’s wrong with her?”

“Not a thing,” he said, adjusting his pants. “Trust me.” I was going to be sick. “See for yourself.”

“She’s not waking up.”

“Exactly. She won’t know the difference, kid.”

“Is she drunk?”

“What the fuck are you asking questions for?” he asked, angry then. His hand was back on my neck, his grip tighter. “I thought we were cool, Greenburg.”

“Wearecool,” I said, staring down at her again. I couldn’t bring myself to move. I’d heard about it, of course. Date raping women. I’d seen the drugs passedaround campus, but I had no idea Jim was into that sort of thing.

He was so cool.

He slept with plenty of women.

I couldn’t imagine why he’d need to do this.

“So, then, be cool. I’m offering you a gift. Not many friends I’d let have a girl when I’m done with her.”

I didn’t want to do it—it felt awkward. Wrong too, I guess, but my main concern was of trying to have sex in front of someone. Jim, especially. I worried he’d make fun of me.

“You gonna do it or no?”

“I’m… I’m okay.” I started to stand up, but he placed a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

“Nah, you’re not. ’Cause the way I see it, you’re either gonna fuck her or you’re gonna snitch.”

“I won’t snitch,” I swore. “You know me better than that.”

“Then you know your other option, don’t ya? Look, it ain’t about knowin’ ya, kid. You gotta prove it.” He lifted his foot to her leg, nudging her forcefully with his toes. “See? She’s not waking up.” He paused. “And when you’re done, you can do me a favor and help me get rid of her.”

Something about the way he’d said those words, the look in his eye, said he’d get rid of me, too, if I didn’t do exactly as he’d said. And so, I did.

No more arguing.

I proved it.

I tried not to think about him watching me as I did it.

When it was over, we dressed her and took her to thewoods. Jim told me to leave him there with her and I’d never been so grateful to get away.

I remembered watching him get back in the truck after what felt like a lifetime later. He was calm. Surprisingly calm. He put the truck into drive without a word. It was then that I noticed the blood on his hands. It was dark, so I couldn’t be sure that was what it was, but somehow, I knew.

I didn’t know she was going to die.

Not really.

I don’t know what I thought about why he wanted to be alone with her, or what he’d meant byget rid of her,but that wasn’t it. The rest of the ride back to our dorm was filled with silence. I felt sick to my stomach. Terrified of my roommate.

When we finally parked, he turned to look at me with a wicked grin and said something I’ve never forgotten.

“There’s nothing like it, Greenburg. Watchin’ ’em go. Watchin’ the lights go out. You’re their god in that moment. It’s a high unlike any other.”

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