Page 38 of A Heart Disguised 1

Before I could spiral further into my anxious thoughts, I realized I needed to act quickly. Meredith would be here soon to help me prepare for the day, and I couldn’t let her find me in this state. In a flash I was out of bed, nearly tripping over my own feet as I dashed to the en suite bathroom. My heart pounded in my chest, a mix of panic and lingering arousal making my movements clumsy. I closed the door behind me with trembling hands, leaning against it for a moment to catch my breath.

With shaking hands, I stripped off my nightclothes, letting them fall to the floor in a heap. The hot spring pool beckoned, steam rising from its surface in lazy curls. I slipped into the water, gasping at the heat that enveloped me.

As I began to wash, my treacherous mind wandered back to Duke Darius. I imagined his strong hands in place of my own, trailing over my skin. The thought sent a jolt of pleasure through me, and I bit my lip to stifle a moan.

My hand drifted lower, almost of its own accord. I wrapped my fingers around my hardness, stroking slowly at first, then with increasing urgency. In my mind’s eye, I saw the duke—his muscular chest, his powerful thighs, the tantalizing trail of dark hair leading down to…

I faltered, my inexperience leaving me uncertain. What would the duke look like fully unclothed? Just how large would his “sword” be? The mere thought made me blush furiously, even as it sent another wave of pleasure coursing through me.

My strokes became faster, more erratic. The water lapped at the edges of the pool, echoing my ragged breaths. I was lost in a haze of sensation, teetering on the edge of something monumental.

When release finally came, it crashed over me like a tidal wave. I cried out, my voice echoing off the tiled walls as my body shuddered with the intensity of it. I clung to the edge of the pool, my legs trembling beneath me.

As the aftershocks subsided, I was left with a whirlwind of emotions—satisfaction, embarrassment, and a lingering fear that gnawed at the edges of my mind. My body felt languid, relaxed in a way I’d never experienced before, but my thoughts were anything but calm.

“What in Aethoria’s name is happening to me?” I whispered to the steamy air, my voice barely audible over the gentle lapping of water.

I sank deeper into the pool, letting the warm water cover me up to my chin, as if it could shield me from the implications of what I’d just done. My mind raced, piecing together a puzzle I wasn’t sure I wanted to solve.

Why was it only thoughts of Duke Darius that brought about these intense reactions? I’d seen plenty of attractive people before—both men and women—but none had ever affected me like this. The duke’s face, his voice, the mere memory of his touch… they all sent my body into a frenzy I couldn’t control.

A startling thought struck me, causing my eyes to widen. “Am I… attracted to him?” The words felt foreign on my tongue, both thrilling and terrifying. I’d heard whispers of men who preferred the company of other men, but I’d never considered that I might be one of them. Was that even possible?

But if that were true, why had I never felt this way about any other man? Why just Duke Darius? The confusion swirled in my mind like a tempest, leaving me dizzy and uncertain.

And if I was falling for Duke Darius—a demon lord, no less—what could possibly come of it? The very idea seemed ludicrous. He was powerful, ancient, and undoubtedly experienced in ways I couldn’t even imagine. And I was… well, I was just me. A boyplaying at being a girl, way out of his depth in a world of demons and desires I barely understood.

I pressed my palms against my eyes, trying to push back the tears of frustration that threatened to spill. “This is madness,” I muttered, echoing my words from the night before. “Complete and utter madness.”

Yet even as I said it, I couldn’t deny the warmth that bloomed in my chest at the thought of the duke. It was more than just physical attraction—there was a pull, a yearning that went beyond the corporeal. It both excited and terrified me.

I let out a long shaky breath, watching the ripples spread across the water’s surface. My mind was a jumble of conflicting thoughts and emotions, each one vying for attention. I’d never felt so confused, so out of my depth. These new sensations, these unfamiliar feelings for Duke Darius—they were like a foreign language I was struggling to understand.

“What am I supposed to do now?” I whispered to myself, my voice barely audible over the gentle lapping of water against the pool’s edge. The question hung in the steamy air, unanswered and daunting. I had no precedent for this, no prior experience to draw from. All I knew was that every time I thought of the duke, my heart raced and my body responded in ways I couldn’t control.

I sank a little deeper into the water, as if it could wash away my confusion. But even as the warmth soothed my body, my mind continued to churn with unanswered questions and unnamed fears.

“What am I supposed to do now?” I murmured, more to the steam rising off the water than to myself. My query vanished into the warm haze, as did any semblance of an answer.

A discreet knock at the door pulled me from my reverie. “Master Robin, dear?” Meredith’s voice carried through, tinged with her usual blend of affection and barely containedexcitement. “We must get you ready for the day. You’re going riding with the duke this morning, remember? Oh, what an honor!”

Oh, heavens. The duke. The ride. My stomach performed an acrobatic feat that would have impressed the most seasoned circus performer.

“Just a moment!” I called out, my voice an octave higher than usual.

Meredith’s enthusiasm bubbled through the door like an overflowing cauldron. “Isn’t it thrilling? A private ride with Duke Darius himself! We must make sure you look absolutely perfect!”

Her excitement was almost palpable, a stark contrast to the dread pooling in my stomach. I could practically hear her bouncing on her heels as she continued. “Just think of the romantic possibilities, dear! Riding side by side through the lush grounds, the wind in your hair, the duke’s strong presence beside you…”

“Meredith, please!” I squeaked, feeling my face flush hot enough to rival the spring. “It’s just a ride.”

Her laugh tinkled through the air. “Oh, my sweet innocent. There’s no such thing as ‘just a ride’ with a demon lord. Now, do hurry up. We can’t keep his grace waiting!”

I groaned internally. Meredith’s fervor was doing nothing to calm my nerves. If anything, it was making me even more anxious about facing the duke after… well, after my rather vivid imaginings this morning. This was going to be a long day indeed.

I emerged from the hot spring like some mythic creature, albeit one with less grace and far more trepidation. Water cascaded down my skin as I wrapped myself in a thick, luxurious robe.

Breakfast was a quiet affair, my appetite nonexistent as I pushed food around on my plate. Eventually, a young servantappeared in the doorway, his eyes bright with curiosity. He was a gangly boy, all knees and elbows, with a shock of red hair and a smattering of freckles across his nose.

---