Page 73 of Elemental Affections

A faint shake of her head came in answer.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“I—oh Goddessfuck,”she whispered. “I attacked him. In front of everyone.” A hoarse laugh bubbled up.

A smile tugged at his lips. “Good.”

“Good?” Anadae blinked, awareness flickering in her eyes. “How is that good?”

“I’m sure he deserved it.”

“He threatened my…” Her head jerked with a small shake. When she looked at him again, her expression had flattened, the dazed sensation and temporary reprieve it had enabled between them now gone. “What are you doing here?”

“I saw him—I thought you were—” Ezzyn flailed for suitable words.

Contempt laced her exhale. “I don’t need you to save me, Ezzyn.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I…”

Anadae’s brows slowly went up, a guardedness on her face as she waited, offering nothing.

“I was cruel, in Den’olm. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I said things that were…” His voice failed him.

“That were what?” she said. “Untrue?”

There was hope in her voice. Cautious, but present. A fervent wish for him to burn away the doubt, to affirm the suspicions she’d had from the start. For Ezzyn to admit that he’d misled her, but not in the way he’d said that night. Not in a way that mattered, that rendered him unforgivable.

Because calling what they’d had a mere arrangement had always been bullshit, and he wanted her. Wanted to find a way to make it all work, and if he just told her that, she would help him. If the attraction was mutual, if they cared about each other, then whatever fears he had were things that could be solved. He could love her and his homeland. There was room in him for both.

Room that wouldn’t be equal. He’d already shown that when he’d tried to split himself in two; he only made things worse. Anadae deserved better. In the end, Ezzyn was just another flavor of Avenor.

“No,” he murmured. “But I’m sorry that I caused you pain.”

Disappointment pinched her features.

“I didn’t want to,” he said. “If I could’ve found—”

“Did you mean it?” Anadae looked out over the lake. She lifted a hand, calling a trickle of water up to twine around her fingers. “Any of it?”

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

“About being just you, leaving the baggage. About how I’ve already proven that I belong here. That you weren’t just saying it so I’d sleep with you.” She flicked her fingers, shedding the water back to the ground. “Was any of it real?”

“Yes.” The word pulled itself from him.

“Then why, Ezzyn? Why would you, you”—her voice wavered—“cheatfor me? How could you think that I would want that?”

His ultimate betrayal, what truly made him so like the others in her life. Her parents. Avenor. Probably a dozen more from her life in Central. She’d shared with him her hopes for this new life, and he’d disregarded them. Worse, imposed his own will as he saw fit.

At least, that was what she thought. He could restore a little of her faith in him. It wouldn’t change the impossibility of them, but Anadae could know that, for all of his failings, he had believed in her. He’d believed she had a place here for years.

“I did—” Ezzyn faltered, sighed. Anadae deserved to be rid of him. “I did what I thought was best for Rhell.”

“I want to stop the poison, too. I want to use my magic for this.”

“I know,” Ezzyn said, voice barely above a whisper. “I couldn’t leave anything to chance. I believe you, but—”

“Then why didn’t you say something? I was in that lab with you often enough!” she cried. “You helped me with my proposal. You let me use your work! When the poison broke through in Den’olm and everything was so much worse than any of us down here knew, why didn’t you bring it up then? Why didn’t you tell me you were worried?”

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