Page 69 of Elemental Affections

Tightness twisted his chest. He bit his tongue to keep silent as something bright and hopeful in her died before him.

“Why?” she said, the word a broken thing in her mouth.

It was easier this way, if she hated him. With the right words, he couldn’t be forgiven, even if he asked for such later.

“I let myself be distracted…”

“By me? Is that what I am, a distraction for you?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“What?” Disbelief and confusion colored her tone. “What are you saying? You’ve been so, sooffthis entire—”

He forced a derisive sound. “Because you know me so well? Mutually agreeable fucking was nice and all, but let’s not pretend it was anything more. A few months of sharing my bed for an hour doesn’t make us close.”

“I know that you’re worried about Rhell,” Anadae said, struggling to keep her voice even. “But this isn’t—”

If only he’d met her at a better time, one where Rhell’s fate wasn’t so dire. Or if he wasn’t the only one willing to pour blood into the ground if that was what it took. Never before had he been with someone who tried so hard for him, for the chance ofthem.One who would call him to task but not abandon.

But Ezzyn was built a certain way, and Anadae, in the end, was like the rest. Like his brothers and the head mages at Sylveren and so many other magical groups and institutions. Garethe called it the long-term, people who believed Rhell could endure a slow process. Ones who would settle for mere containment and brand it as victory. Ezzyn knew what would happen with such complacency. Containment could be breached; hadn’t they seen as much already? Years of thinking they’d stalled the poison, yet it always found a way to creep back in, continue its unrelenting drive toward the wellspring. They needed to strive for a cure, always. If he let Anadae in, he would lose his conviction, be swayed by her view because he trusted in her. With her, he didn’t feel as if he fought for Rhell alone.

Solitude kept him sharp, and Rhell needed him with a razor edge. Even if he cut indiscriminately.

“You wouldn’t understand,” he repeated. “How could you, when you’re so obsessed with running from anything to do with the Helm name.”

“That isn’t the same.”

“Family isn’t easy, Anadae, but it is simple. Either the word means something to you, or it doesn’t, and such loyalty can’t be taught.”

She stood frozen, pain so open on her face. Whatever feelings she’d carried for him slipped away. Ezzyn had her. He could all but taste her devastation. It made him sick, yet still he pushed, for there was no going back.

“You’re afraid. Of your image, how things look, as if the vapidity of the capital matters in the Valley. You’ve been there a year, and you’re still afraid of your inadequacy,” he said. “You always have been. Don’t snap at me about what the year was supposed to mean for you when you never gave it a chance.”

A huff of ugly, humorless laughter jerked her frame. She glared at him, mouth trembling, but her icy tone was dead even. “You are such a bastard.”

Ezzyn held himself still. “You already knew that, sweetheart.”

“So much for wanting to be just yourself with me, just a man, not a prince.” Disgust twisted her face. “Was all that bullshit, too?”

“I—” Ezzyn swallowed hard, made himself appear dismissive. “I wanted to fuck you again. You were a distraction, but I’ll admit you were a welcome one. At the time.”

“You’re full of shit, and a liar.” There was anger in her eyes, but something despairing, too. Something resigned.

He made himself shrug. “We’re perfectly unsuited, Ana. I’ll always be tied to Rhell, and you’ll always be a Helm. I’m just not fighting it.”

Anadae walked past him and went to the tent’s entrance, pausing at the threshold. “Never speak to me again.”

Ezzyn remained standing by the table long after the sounds of her footsteps faded away.

Chapter 25

Daepausedinthehallway, stopping just short of the doorframe to Ezzyn’s lab. For ten days, they’d been back at the university, and she’d found excuses to keep away from the room—from him—for every one of them. Catching up on the classes she’d neglected while away, studying for her Adept One exam right around the corner. Spending an unmentionable number of hours hidden at Eunny’s shop because even sharing the same campus as him hurt too much.

He didn’t exactly try to find her, either. Both the campus and the town were only so large, yet still possessed enough space if neither party made an effort to see one another. For ten days, that had worked, but Dae still had a job, and a sense of duty that could no longer be shirked.

The rustle of a page being turned and the clink of pen against inkwell drifted through the open door.

Lips pinching together, Dae steeled herself and stepped inside. Ezzyn sat at his usual workstation, the logbook for in-progress trials laid out before him. His pen hovered over the page when she came in. Slowly, he set it aside and looked up.

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