Page 58 of Elemental Affections

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Youhaveto take breaks. This place is bad for you.”

“This place?” Ezzyn snapped. “My home?”

“Our home.” Garethe’s eyes narrowed, then he sighed, shook his head. For all that he seemed better than the last time they’d seen each other, in that moment, Garethe looked so weary. “You can’t get into it like this.”

“I’m needed. This place needs every drop of magic we have.”

“But not to drain the well. Use the damned menders, Ezzyn.”

“I don’t need them.”

Garethe scowled. “You want to go on about how you bleed yourself dry for this place? Ever think that it might be making you sick, too?”

Ezzyn shook his head. “I’m not sick. It’s not affecting me like it did to you.”

“Maybe not the same, but you aren’t the same, either, when you’ve been in the field too long.”

Ezzyn didn’t reply. It was a ridiculous notion. He could appreciate his brother’s concern later, when there wasn’t a town at stake.

“Spring term—”

“That doesn’t matter. I’m not far enough to get third tier anyway, and you need me more here.”

“No, we don’t.” Garethe stopped his protest with a glare. “The team is managing. You have a commitment at the university to honor.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“Well, I do!” Garethe snapped. “I’ve been working on that program for years, Ezzyn. I know you get deep in your own head, but some of us think about the long-term. The Rhell Accord is a necessaryadditionto your work, and you might like it better if you actually gave some input instead of covering your damn ears whenever I’ve tried to mention it. We’re not giving up on anything, just expanding.”

Ezzyn gritted his teeth. He wasn’t so heartless as to say it, but Garethe wasn’t a mage. He couldn’t understand.

Garethe sighed again, anger giving way. “No one expected you to get all of the work done for Magister Three in a year. That’s your own delusion. And I know you don’t believe it, but we need your research more than your muscle right now.”

“The others can finish it. There are enough people involved and my methods laid out to progress without me.”

Garethe shook his head, a sad curve to his mouth. He cleared his throat, spoke with a new hesitation. “I remember why Anadae sounded familiar. Anadae Helm? Is she the same one you tutored?”

“Yes.”

Anadae. Longing clawed at him even now, when he was surrounded by the work that should matter most. He’d thought of her as a steadying presence, but he’d been weak for her. Convinced himself that the glacial pace of collaborative effort might actually work. It was fucking ridiculous, and he knew it, yet he’d indulged such work for months. She thought along similar lines as his brothers, and where he ignored them with ease, she’d put a turn in his mind. Maybe if he’d reunited with her sooner, if the poison hadn’t been seeping toward the wellspring for the last five years, maybe then he could’ve played around with experiments that made everyone feel included and like a team. He couldn’t afford that now.

“You want to tell me about her?”

Lies only hurt in the beginning. He’d learned that well. “She’s a good assistant. There’s nothing to…” Except, there was more to say, if he dared. Anadae’s work could be of vital importance here. Rhell’s needs were too great to bow to tender feelings over self-worth. Not even hers.

Garethe gave him a questioning look.

“I’ll go back after the spring trip. Stage it here. But—” Ezzyn hesitated.

He remembered how small her voice had been, the worry etched into it, when she’d asked if he had any say over the Rhell trip. And the relief on her face when he’d said no. He remembered those moments of vulnerability when she’d admitted that she wanted to earn her way and her fears that she wasn’t enough. Anadae would never forgive him. Would probably hate him—if she found out.

Ezzyn got to his feet. “Since you’re nagging me about a break, fine. Anadae’s proposal should get approved for the trip. Her work uses my Magister Three research as a base, and it’s our best chance at making any progress.” Rhell didn’t have time for sentimentality. “Pass that on to Jeron. Tell him I insist.”

“Ezzyn.”

“It’s only a few weeks before they’re up here anyway. I’ll finish out your commitment after.” Ezzyn strode back toward the demarcation line before Garethe could argue, calling over his shoulder, “My assistant can handle the work in the Valley until then.”

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