Page 48 of Bloody Lace

There’s that flicker of regret again in his face. “I didn’t think,” he admits. “It happened fast. I wanted?—”

“Exactly.” With that biting word, the rest spill out hot and fast, until I’m almost choking on them. “Youwanted. You didn’t think about what I might want. You didn’t think about how it would feel after. You punished me for a stupid decision, and then you fucked me, and you came inside me. This marriage isn’t fuckingreal, Dimitri! You could get me pregnant, and then what?”

His eyes widen, like I’ve slapped him, like he actually didn’t fucking think about the fact that coming inside me could have consequences. “Evelyn?—”

I keep talking anyway, over him as he tries to cut me off. “You didn’t think about the fact that if wedidever have sex, I wouldn’t want our first time to be like this. Nowthisis it. This is how our first time went. Me, bent over a desk, terrified, and you fucking me because you couldn’t help yourself. Youbrokeour deal. So I don’t want to hear shit about me going out without a bodyguard again.”

With that, I shove past him, snatching the lock to one side and bolting out into the main floor of the penthouse. I don’t know if this still counts as us being done because I left the room, if Dimitri was finished with whatever he had planned for us, but I don’t fucking care any longer. Even my shop isn’t worth this, and I’m not about to let him see me cry.

Buttons jumps off of the couch and comes running to me as I burst into the living room, following me as I run out onto the balcony, slamming the door behind me. The cold doesn’t bother him, and I barely notice it, even when hot tears start to drip down my face and I reach out to grab onto the icy railing. I’m too upset to think about anything but the ache in my chest, the soreness in my body, and how everything feels like it’s falling apart.

Swallowing hard, I sink down to the balcony, pulling my knees to my chest. The frigid air bites through my sweater, but I ignore it, wrapping one arm around Buttons and letting my hands sink into his fur as I cry. From somewhere inside, I think I hear the front door open and shut, and I wonder briefly if Dimitri has left. But I don’t really care about that, either.

I hope he has. I hope I get to be alone for a while. The only person I want right now is Dahlia, and I don’t dare call her. If I told her what Dimitri just did, she’d take me back to myapartment and then burn his penthouse down. And then we’d have even more problems.

I sit outside until I finally stop crying and the cold breaks through, making me realize that I’m shivering. I get up stiffly, walking back into the warm interior of the penthouse, and I stand there for a moment, listening for the sounds of anyone inside.

It’s silent, and I feel fairly sure that Dimitri hasn’t come back yet. I walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water, and I see a takeout menu for a local Asian fusion restaurant that I feel sure wasn’t there before on the counter. Almost as if he left it there for me.

My stomach tightens, and I shake off the feeling that he’s trying to apologize. There’s no apology for this. And if he hasn’t decided to annul our marriage, and is going to continue on as before, then all I can do is try to put as much distance between us as possible.

Which is difficult, considering the fact that we share a bed. But I can ignore him. I can not let small gestures like this get to me.

And I can definitely,definitelynot let him fuck me again.

Right?

I swallow hard, downing the glass of water and heading upstairs to take a bath. I lock the bathroom door behind me, just in case Dimitri comes home, and draw a bath as hot as I can stand it. It stings the tender, reddened skin on my ass as I slide into the silky water, and I let out a sharp hiss, trying my best to ignore the throb between my legs at the hint of pain.

Clearly, I’m into some things that I didn’t realize I would be. But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I don’t let myself fall prey to it again. That I don’t let myself give in to Dimitri again.

When the bath has gone cold, I get into the shower, washing my hair and scrubbing myself twice with my almond-honey scented body wash until I feel sure I’ve gotten every trace of his juniper scent off of me. I breathe in the fragrant steam, trying to expel every hint of it from my senses, until the shower runs cold too, and I finally emerge into the bathroom.

I linger upstairs, listening for Dimitri to come back, as I change into a pair of leggings and a long, soft sweater. When there’s still no sounds from downstairs, I head back down to the main floor, just in time for the door to open as I pick up the menu off of the counter.

My heart jolts in my chest, but for the first time, I’m actually relieved to see that it’s Gus who steps inside. He looks at me gruffly from the door, his gaze sweeping through the penthouse before returning to me.

“Just doing my rounds,” he says. “Everything fine in here?”

My cheeks heat a little as I wonder if he, or any of Dimitri’s other guards, heard what happened earlier. “I’m fine,” I manage. “Just ordering some food. Want some?”

Gus shakes his head abruptly, and for the first time, I wonder if he’s angry with me, too. He’s probably in trouble, since he didn’t catch me before I left. Guilt sweeps through me at that, and I bite my lip. “Gus?—”

“I’m good. Thanks.” He turns and leaves, the door closing firmly behind him, and my stomach drops as I look back down at the menu.

Twenty minutes later, my food arrives—mushroom truffled crispy rice and spring rolls with sweet and sour sauce. I take it, still in the takeout containers, over to the couch near one large window, and look out over the city as I start to eat.

The food is delicious, but I barely taste it. I stare out over the brightly lit city, feeling a little like a fish in an aquarium with allthis floor-to-ceiling glass around me, and I wonder once again if all of this was a mistake.

I don’t know how I’m going to live, day in and day out, with a man like Dimitri, who makes me want him and hate him by turns, makes me grateful to him and infuriated by him all at once. I don’t know how I’m going to get used to feeling like I’m living in a cage, no matter how beautiful or temporary, or how I’m going to live with being followed every moment, reminded that I’m in danger, that I’ve been dragged into all of this against my will.

And more than anything else, I don’t know how I ever thought this was actually going to work.

19

DIMITRI

Ihadn’t intended to leave her alone in the penthouse like that, especially not when I’m not entirely convinced she won’t try to give my men the slip again. I’m not confident in their ability to keep an eye on her, either, which is a situation I’m going to have to rectify very fucking quickly.

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