Page 71 of Shame

Why won’t anyone help him!

I use every muscle to try to get up from the chair, but it’s useless. The beeping gets louder, closer together. The tone changes from the soft beep to a harsh, shrill sound like a fire alarm, causing my ears to hurt. I suck in a sharp breath, trying to catch my breath after screaming so much and I start choking too. Suddenly, the room is filled with smoke. I can’t see. I can’t breathe.

“Dad!” I call. “Dad, where are you?”

More choking. Coughing. The beeping. That freaking beeping! It’s driving me crazy. Why does it sound like that? Why is it so loud? Why is it—

I jolt up, choking and blinking my eyes through the smoke. Though it’s dark, I see the smoke pouring in under my door and the flickering flames on the other side.

Untangling myself from the sheets, I fall onto the floor and crawl to the door. Everything I know about staying safe during fires is out the window as I grasp the handle and yank it open. If it was hot, I didn’t feel it. I army crawl as quickly as I can down the hall to Dad’s room.

“Dad!” I call between choking. “Dad, wake up!”

I get into his room and don’t see him in bed. It’s empty and made.

No…

I’m on my feet, grabbing a throw blanket from the foot of his bed to cover my mouth and nose and run out into the hall and into the kitchen. The fire is blazing in here, so bright I can hardly see, so hot I’m sweating.

“Dad! Where are you?”

I drop to the floor, and even though the flames light the room up, the black smoke makes it nearly impossible to see. I crawl forward, ignoring the heat of the fire to find my father. He has to be here somewhere!

By sheer luck, I spot his foot and quickly make my way toward him. The flames are so loud I can’t even hear myself think. I stand, dropping the blanket and grabbing his feet todrag him out of the house. He’s unconscious, he isn’t breathing, and there are burns everywhere. Oh my god, I don’t even know if he’s alive! I get him onto the porch, the outside pitch black. I’ve no idea what time it is, but I do know there are no neighbors close enough to call for help. If I don’t get my phone, there’s no way I can call this in.

With Dad on the porch, I run back inside. It’s my only chance at getting help. The fire is loud, hotter than it was before. Blindly, I make my way to my room, manage to grab my phone and duck back out of the house. I grab Dad and drag him across the yard to the road where I call 911.

“911, where is your emergency?”

I rattle off the address, shouting about a fire and my father not breathing.

“Ma’am, help is on the way. Is your father breathing at all? Are there burns on his chest?”

“No, I don’t think so. Mostly his arms and his face.”

“I need you to start CPR right away. Do you know how to do that?”

“Y-yes. I’ve never done it before, but I know how.”

“Okay, put the phone on speaker. Do not hang up. Put your hands together, one on top of the other, link your fingers. Find the center of your father’s chest and press down hard and fast. I’ll count for you. Press down on each count, okay?”

“Yes, okay!” I get my hands together after putting my phone in the grass. It takes a few tries because they’re shaking so much, but once I mange, I start the CPR, using my wholebody to push down. I go along to the beat of the operator, my entire body trembling. I’m coughing. My lungs hurt. My mouth tastes gross. My eyes feel weird. Everything is wrong.

I keep going, my body getting more tired as time goes. Every now and then, the woman on the line tells me to stop to give breaths. Check for breathing and a pulse—he doesn’t have one.

I’m panicking, but all I can do is keep pushing on his chest, keep praying he’s going to wake up and be okay. Keep hoping that I’ll have just one more day with him.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Kaison

My phone is ringing, but I can tell it isn’t time to wake up. When my eyes open, it’s dark. Late. I shouldn’t be awake, so who the hell is calling me? It stops, so I go back to sleep, only to wake up some time later and wonder who the hell it was. If they called in the middle of the night, it must have been important. Not sure how long ago it was, but I roll over and check.

Missed Call

Cora

4:51 a.m.

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