Page 66 of Shame

Chapter Twenty-One

Kaison

Things between my brother and I have not been good. He’s hardly spoken to me—or anyone—since his confession. His confession that he didn’t elaborate on. It’s got my head fucking spinning at all hours of the day. I mean, how the fuck you going to say something like “he did things to me” and then not explain? Did thingshow? Didwhat? I mean, I’m sure I know, and I’ll tell you, I don’t want to fucking think about it because the anger I feel is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

I fear Kolton thought I would stick up for our dad because I always had so much respect for him, but not a single ounce of me will do that. Fuck that. My brother isn’t a goddamn liar, and if he says our dad fucked with him, I believe him—no questions asked. If my father weren’t dead, I’d kill him myself after finding this shit out.

I want to tell Kolt that. I should tell him that. But every time I get near him, he walks away. There are so many things I need to talk to him about. Not just about our dad, but everything else he said, too. I want to make him feel better, feel okay about himself and who he is.

Kolt is smart as hell. He can’t really think our dad made him gay, can he? I mean, even I know shit doesn’t work that way. If Kolt is gay, that’s just how he’s supposed to be. But I guess that explains why he’s been so weird around chicks lately. Simple reasoning there.

“Okay, so Noah is looking at becoming the prospect, we all good with that?” Coyote asks, looking around the room.

There is a round of yeses. He’s been amazing at the diner and will handle a lot of shit over there. He’s got the books straight, figured out the schedule, and ordered some updated appliances.

Coyote nods. “Shark, you can handle that. Talk to him, let him know what’s up, what’s expected. Deal with his father, too, cause that’s going to be a shit show.”

“Will do,” I say.

I drown out the rest of Church and feel like shit about it. If there’s ever a time to pay attention, now’s it, but I’m a fucking mess. I keep sneaking glances at my brother, who looks exactly the same as he usually does, but different. So fucking different now that I know the darkness that’s within him. Makes me feel like shit. How the fuck is it that my father treated me so well and didthingsto him? Makes me fucking sick, and I should ride over to the cemetery and spit on his goddamn grave. Every bitof anything that fucker has in this place has got to go. This club doesn’t stand for that—any of it. We may do some fucked up shit, dabble in illegal trading, but under no circumstances do we ra—fuck, I can’t even say the word because all I can think about is my little brother’s face, full of fear, terror. How he always kept it together when we were younger and had all this shit going on. How the fuck did I not see it? I get why he’s so mad at me. I should have fucking seen it. Maybe if I wasn’t so far up our father’s ass, I would have. Kolton is so much stronger than I ever thought he was.

When Church is done, I make my way over to Kolton before he can get away from me.

“We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t,” he says, shoving his cell into his pocket and snapping shut his laptop.

“Yeah, we fucking do. And we can do it here and now or you can deal with me following your ass around until we do, and I know you don’t want me in your house, Snapper.”

He flinches at that, gritting his teeth.

“Fine,” he growls, pushing past me.

I blow out a breath and follow him.

All the guys head over to the bar, so my brother and I make our way outside to the back, where there’s nothing but overgrown weeds in a dirt parking lot that once used to be for community events. Not sure why our fathers stopped having them here, but probably because some of the townsfolk didn’t wanna set foot over here, so now we do it at the park instead.Still, we should clean this up and use it. If town people don’t wanna come, fuck them. They don’t have to.

“We should use this place like we used to,” I say thoughtfully, looking around at the big empty space. We could do so much with it.

“If we’re going to talk about this, talk about it. I don’t have time for bullshit.”

I stare at my brother, knowing he’s lashing out because he’s angry. It’s okay.

“Just listen to what I have to say before you jump down my throat?” He nods stiffly. “I hope you know that I had no idea about any of that shit. Never saw nothing, never heard nothing. If I had, trust me when I say, I’d have fucking killed him. If you need me to be your punching bag, I will be your punching bag. You are my brother, I love you, and I will do any fucking thing you need me to.”

My brother doesn’t react, just stands there frozen like a statue, staring at the ground like he’s angry at the world. I don’t blame him if he is. How the fuck do things like this happen?

“Also, about what you said about being gay? That ain’t because of dad, regardless of what he did to you. Actually, fuck that. I ain’t calling him that no more. That piece of shit doesn’t even deserve a name.”

Kolt looks up at me, but I still don’t get a reaction.

“You’re my brother, Kolt, and I love the shit outta you. I know we don’t get along, and I’m sorry I didn’t pay closer attention, but no matter what, you’re mybrother.In the cluband out of the club. We’re all we have. And if you’re upset about your sexuality, well, I’m sorry you’re dealing with that, but I don’t give a fuck. No one else will either. And if they do, they can eat my fucking boot.”

He huffs out a laugh at that, and I smile.

“Are you struggling with it?” I ask carefully.

“In some ways,” he answers with a small shrug.

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