Page 63 of Shame

“No!” I seethe, pointing a finger in his face. “You’re my brother, do not side with that prick!”

“Oh, that matters to you now? Being brothers is suddenly important?” he asks cockily.

“It’s always been important! What the fuck does that even mean?”

Kolton lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Are you really that blind?”

I throw my arms up. “Apparently I fucking am. Because I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Kolton purses his lips, looking away from me. After a few moments, he says, “Dad.”

It’s all he says. Just one word. But there is so much emotion in that one word, and emotion isn’t something I get from my brother. Ever. So it scares the shit out of me. My body sheds every ounce of anger it was holding onto, and I feel a little nauseous.

I take a slow step toward Kolton. I’ve never seen him look so vulnerable before.

“It’s okay to be upset—”

“I’m not fucking upset!” he shouts, turning his angry gaze on me. “He was…” He pauses, shaking his head. “I fucking hated him, Kaison. How didn’t you see it? How didn’t you see what he was doing to me?”

“What he was doing to you?” I ask, confused over what the fuck he’s talking about. Punishing him? Yelling at him? Thespankings? Kolt was a disrespectful little shit. He deserved all that from Pops.

“Fucking forget it,” he says, moving toward the door. But I’m faster and I stand in front of him.

“No, I will not forget it. You’re my brother, and something has been up with you for a while. Tell me what the fuck is going on.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he grits out, and his glossy eyes nearly have me on my knees. I’ve never seen my brother cry. Not a day in our lives. Not even when we were kids. He was always strong, always in control. What the fuck did my father do that has him feeling like this?

“No,” I say again, this time more firmly but more calm. “No, Kolt. Talk to me. I’m your brother, for fuck’s sake.”

A choked sound leaves him. He starts to pace and mutter to himself. I stand there, watching him, hoping he’s going to say something, and I don’t have to keep going at him. I’m worried. I want to know what’s going on. And honestly, I don’t know how to get through to him.

“I’m gay,” he finally says, stopping and looking at me dead in the eyes as if he’s just admitted he killed someone. I’ll say, it’s a shock. I didn’t think he was gay. I’ve seen him fuck plenty of women, but I don’t care that he is. Does he think I care? Is this what he’s upset about?

“Is that supposed to bother me?” I ask.

“He made me gay.”

“Who?” I ask carefully, not sure we’re having the same conversation. Is this one of those things where he’s only into one guy? Like only gay for one dude? I’ve heard of that before.

“Dad,” he chokes out. “Dad made me gay. He—” His eyes go unfocused, and the next words that leave his mouth have all the air leaving my lungs. “He did things to me.”

Chapter Twenty

Cora

Just as the doctor had said, Dad is able to go home the next day. Everything looked good, and he passed all the tests. The hospital even set up more services for him, so now he has more nursing hours. They handed me a stack of brochures for nursing homes that would be “well-equipped to handle his needs.”

I’ll admit, the 24-hour nursing staff and on-call doctors is a selling point. But giving up on him is a no from me.

Irene helps me get him settled in bed, then we head to the kitchen. The head nurse should be here soon to go over paperwork and check on Dad. Irene busies herself making coffee and breakfast, and I don’t have it in me to stop her. I’m waiting for her to go on about how I should look through the brochures and settle on a place, or let Kaison in on everything going on here. Neither of those things are what I want. I just want my dad back. I want him to be how he was before. I want my life to be normal and not a chaotic mess every damn day.

“Here you go, honey.”

I blink down at the plate of food in front of me, wondering how she had time to whip up so much.

“I can’t eat all this,” I say.

“Just try,” she responds in that motherly tone she’s perfected.

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