Page 48 of Shame

His feet are up, and he’s lying back with his shirt off, showing off those stitches on his side where he got stabbed. There’s a bowl of popcorn on his chest that he’s eating lazily as he watches some black and white movie.

“Asshole,” I mutter.

My phone died on the way here, and a week or two ago, I wouldn’t have given a fuck, but now that I have Cora worrying about me, I want it charged so I can talk to her whenever I want—and especially when I need to. I really like her, really like where this is going. I love the club, and my dad managed a family, so I want that too. A lot of our parents did both.I mean, we got here somehow, right? Now I want an old lady and kids that I can raise in the club life, making sure they know that even though we don’t always do things the legal way, we do them for the right reasons. That you can be a good person but do bad shit and there ain’t nothing wrong with it. Not morally, anyway. Legally, yeah, but we have ways to handle that.

I may be getting ahead of myself because I have no idea what Cora is looking for—all I know is I want her. I think about her all the time, want to be with her all the time. Think I may be addicted. Can picture her marrying my stupid ass, which is crazy because this is all new, but when you know, you know, I guess. Everything with her feels right. The way she looks at me, smiles at me, kisses me, begs for me to keep going. I wanna hear that shit every damn night. Wanna go home to her spread out on the dining table for me to eat. Wanna make babies with her and get up together in the middle of the night to them crying, take cute family photos, and all kinds of other shit that’ll have the guys reaming my ass out. Don’t care though. I’m ready for it.

My mama and pops got married only a month after meeting each other, and they lasted as long as they could. Maybe it’ll be the same for me. They loved each other hard, and though they had their differences, they had a good life.

Coyote storms in through the front door, heading toward our meeting room. It ain’t Saturday, so no Church today, but he’s mad aboutsomething.

“Emergency fucking meeting!” he shouts, just before going into the room. I glance at Rhino, who shrugs, then winces as he gets up.

How cool are those stitches now, jack ass?

“Where the fuck is everyone else?” I ask, looking around at the empty room.

“Had a party at the bar last night. Think they’re all passed out over there.” Rhino smirks. “Want me to go get them?”

“Hell fucking no,” I say. “It’ll take you ten minutes just to hobble over there. Let Coyote know we’ll be in there in five.”

He nods as he limps toward the meeting room. I’ve been stabbed, been shot too, it ain’t no walk in the park.

I make my way outside and across the lot to the bar. It’s not an official bar, not one open to the public, just an old barn turned bar for us guys to enjoy beer and ladies. Well, only beer for me now.

The tables are covered in empty cans, bottles, glasses, and unidentifiable liquids. None of that shit better be cum or someone’s getting slapped upside the head. Bottles of whiskey sit on a few of the tables; some empty, some half full. I walk down the hall and up the stairs, where I’m sure I’ll find every one of these fuckers either sleeping or balls deep in a clubwhore. The door to the second floor isn’t closed all the way, so I push it open, but it stops halfway. Peeking my head inside, I find Grizz sitting up against the wall behind the door, his big ass body not letting me open the door any more than it is. I shove it harder, using my shoulder and causing the door to creak. If I do that again, it’llsplit in half. Thankfully he groans and blinks his eyes open, so I don’t have to.

There’s a clubwhore on the side of him, naked with something brown smeared all over her tits. Better be chocolate and not shit or blood. Don’t know what he’s into, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s weird shit like that.

“Meeting. Get the fuck up,” I say as I squeeze inside, kicking his boot.

I find most of the guys laid out somewhere in the main room with a girl beside them. Most are naked but a few have panties on—they’re all ripped though. Used to get a stiffy seeing all this shit. Now all I can think about is Cora and her perfect body. None of these women compare.

Moving down the hall, I go to the back bedroom. There are four up here, each with two beds for any of us to stay if we need. My brother is usually the only one to use them after a party because he doesn’t sleep with clubwhores. Well, me now too, I guess. He used to sleep with them all, just like I did, but lost interest at some point. I don’t know. He never wanted to talk about it. They got old for me, so I guess I get it. It’s probably the same for him. Snapper don’t like talking about anything so I’m not surprised he doesn’t talk about this either.

“Let’s go. Meeting,” I bark, causing Snapper to jerk awake. He groans, running a hand down his face. He’s fully clothed, but his pants are undone. Interesting… did he sleep with someone last night? I could ask, but he won’t answer. I have no idea what his problem is with me lately, but he’s getting more and more distant.

As I walk back into the main room, a few guys are up, some are still trying to get up. Hammer is falling over, probably still drunk. Fucking rookies.

“You got two fucking minutes to get your asses in the meeting room,” I bellow as I leave.

I take my seat in the meeting room and everyone else trickles in slowly, all hung the fuck over. They’re all probably celebrating from our unofficial victory at the bar last night. They look like shit from fighting, drinking, and fucking all night.

“You all better get your shit together, and quick, because we have a last-minute run to do,” Coyote explains.

“What kinda run?” I ask.

All our runs are planned and scheduled months in advance, considering we’re smuggling shit from Canada and that’s dangerous. We need to be precise with all of it so we don’t get caught. People out there sell shit to people out here, and we’re the middleman. Don’t know what’s in the crates we move, don’t ask. Only rule is it’s nothing alive, especially not people—and even more especially not woman or children. We gotta make our money somehow, and this is how we do it.

The border over here is thick with trees, but that’s all that’s there. There are guards around, but they’re so easy to bypass because there’s so much land. This is our money maker and why it’s so important that we control the border and not anyoneelse. This is why the IR wants in on our territory so badly. Too bad they intend to smuggle people—we aren’t about that shit.

“Same as usual,” Coyote says.

“It’s not the same as usual if it’s last minute,” I say harshly to Coyote who gives me a look like he’s pissed I’m questioning him. Well, too fucking bad.

“We have an opportunity to make money, and I’m not in the habit of turning that down,” he says back.

“Well, neither am I, but this shit is risky. We’ve been doing it a certain way for years—because it works. Our father’s made su—”

---