Page 88 of Playing for Keeps

“How did you get over your disappointment?”

“That night, when I was holding you, you were so alert and a little scared. You kept doing that puckered lips thing, and I didn’t want you to cry and wake up your mom. I rubbed your cheeks and talked to you about how you were the prettiest baby I’d ever seen. How you looked like Erin and Kerrie. I just kept talking until your lips went back to normal. I stayed up with you for a long time that night. At the start of your feeding, I was a stubborn, stupid young man. By the time I put you to bed, I was a lovestruck father.”

Leaning my head against Duke’s shoulder, I consider how young my parents were when they had me. Erin was a doting grandma, but Duke’s dad never came around, and Kerrie’s father believed children were most appealing in photographic form. Duke and Kerrie had to stand on their own a lot.

Meanwhile, my support system proves to be fantastic. People are in and out of the house constantly, helping me with the baby or bringing food. Poppy cleans my kitchen. Alexis picks up groceries when I run out of a few things. Clover stays over with Val and me, so she can help out. Kerrie and Marv fly in for aweek to meet the baby and help out. I’m surrounded by people willing to ease the load off my shoulders.

Of course, Val proves to be a great dad, always enthusiastic even about changing diapers. He loves playing with Lina’s wild blonde hair.

When she sleeps, he’s quick to cuddle with me and brag about the baby we made together.

“You’re my favorite person,” Val murmurs when our daughter is a month old. “But you have some real competition from Lina.”

By the time our baby is two months old, my postpartum moodiness and jitters have passed. Yet, I’m still reluctant to leave the homestead. There’s something so comforting about having so many of my people in one place. Walking from one house to another with Lina feels safer than taking her in a car.

When Lina is nearly four months old, Val and I go on a date off the homestead. A week later, I enjoy the salon and lunch with the girls. Poppy sends me regular pictures of Lina. Every photo keeps me from crying and running back to the homestead.

When Lina is six months, I get back into the diner’s kitchen for a shift. I also bartend on a Saturday at the bar.

As I get out more, Val returns to riding with Duke and building their leadership roles. The two men start a club bowling league and take the meatheads on a camping trip. My uncle Dallas comes up to Basin Rock for the latter, and Val does a great job of keeping the brothers from coming to blows.

During one of their bonding rides, Val and Duke devise a plan to put a prefab house on the land behind my dad’s place. That way, we can bunk in Basin Rock without feeling put out.

Val already feels an intense devotion to the Blood-Red Suns, Basin Rock, and my dad. That’s why I’m so surprised by how depressed he gets when he officially switches clubs. Changing vests seems like such a minor thing. He’s already riding with mydad and leading the guys. Switching what patch he wears feels like a formality.

“You’re a member of both clubs,” I tell Val when he sulks one night.

We sit on the couch in our homestead house. Moo enjoys the view from the front windows. Lina stares at her dad from her spot in his arms while I stroke his head. Our sleepy daughter gives him a big gummy grin as if sensing he needs love.

Val can’t resist Lina’s slobbery affection. He leans down and kisses her forehead. Of course, she grabs hold of his face and keeps him for far longer than we expect. I start laughing. Soon, Val is chuckling, too. Lina isn’t sure what’s happening and frees his face.

“I’m feeling bad, baby,” he tells our daughter who smiles again. “I wanted to be a Rawkfist man like my daddy and grandpappy. But your mom was a package deal.”

“You don’t have to be Duke’s VP. We can shut it all down,” I murmur and kiss his cheek. Then, I flick him in the ear. “You might have said something before we had the party for you.”

“No, I very much wanted a party where everyone applauded my many successes,” Val replies and smiles. “And I want to be your dad’s VP. Things make sense in here,” he says and taps his head. “But in here,” he adds and rests my hand over his heart, “I feel like I’ll never be like my dad now.”

“Your father was a leader, right? He made people feel safe when the club was going through its transition. That’s what you’re doing. I know you miss wearing your old vest with your Rawkfist patch. It’s okay to be sad, but you shouldn’t dismiss how much like Emmett you are by making this big move.”

Val’s proud expression warms my heart. He’s so confident that it would be easy to forget how easily his big heart can get bruised.

His funk over wearing a different vest doesn’t last. By the time we settle into the second house—a mirror image of our homestead house—Val has decided wearing two clubs’ vests makes him more like Emmett than West can ever claim to be. My husband’s competitive nature with his older brother solves many problems.

Val is several months into his role as VP when I learn I’m pregnant again.

“Should I put in an order for hot wings?” Val asks me as we sit in the bathroom with Lina.

“I’m feeling okay so far, but there’s never a time when hot wings aren’t the right answer.”

My first and second trimesters go smoothly with barely any nausea.

During that time, Lina becomes a very mobile creature. My happy baby girl gets along with everyone. The only time she becomes genuinely upset is when she sees Val and West wrestling. She will stand up, ball up her fists, lift her chin, and scream at the top of her lungs. This trick works, teaching her that whenever she’s afraid she ought to let out a banshee holler.

“She’s got her ma’s lungs,” Val always says when Lina unleashes a scream.

During my final trimester, I feel extremely worn down. Lina and I spend most days at Poppy’s place during that stressful time.

Whenever Emmett sits in his comfy chair, Lina wants to be on his lap. She’s there many Sundays while he watches football games. My baby gets so excited when the people cheer. Emmett soon buys his first granddaughter a jersey with “Mercer” on the back. She never wants to take it off, so we end up buying extras in various colors.

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