Page 166 of Modern Romance January 2025 1-4

‘Listen, Rosie,’ he began as though they were halfway through a conversation, as though he’d been having this conversation with himself before she’d come into the room and was just bringing her in on it now. ‘There’s something you need to understand about me, something I should have explained yesterday, but honestly, I don’t know if I even connected the dots then. Not consciously. It’s not like I made a decision, at any point in my life, not to fall in love. These things happen in the background of your life, don’t they? I do know that at some point, I decided that relying only on myself was the safest and best way to live my life.’

He moved towards her, his features taut. She held her breath. She wasn’t strong enough to be close to him, but nor was she strong enough to back away. ‘My own father excised me as though I were a gangrenous limb. My grandfather did the same. It didn’t matter how much my mother or Mark loved me. Or maybe the more they loved me, the more I became paralysed by the fear that they’d one day stop. Nothing could ever make up for the sense of rejection I’d experienced, for believing on some fundamental level that I wasn’t worthy of love. That I wasn’tenoughto be loved, no matter what.’

She sucked in a small breath, digging her nails into her palms to stop herself from reacting. She wanted to comfort him but was hurting too badly. Besides, he was unburdening himself in a way she suspected needed to continue unchecked.

‘Maybe that’s why I never felt a damned thing for any of the women I was with in the past, why it was always so easy to keep things light and simple. I think on some fundamental level, I just decided I would never again risk loving someone who might cut me out of their life.’ He closed his eyes, his lashes dark against his tanned cheeks, drawing in a deep breath as though steeling himself for something important.

‘Or maybe it was that I just hadn’t met you,’ he conceded quietly. ‘Maybe there is just one person on earth after all who could make me love even when I know the flipside of that. Even when I know the pain of losing that love.’ He pinned her with his gaze, and she trembled. Though they weren’t touching, it felt as though every part of her was on fire.

‘Yesterday, when you told me about your mother, all those old instincts wrapped around me, protecting me from the prospect of losing you, pushing you away before anything could happen and I was forced to live without you. Because if Ichosethat, it would hurt less, wouldn’t it?’ He shook his head at the rhetorical question. ‘But you were so, so right. This isn’t a choice. This is real love, the kind that takes hold of you without your consent and refuses to let go. My God, how did we spend five months married with no concept of what we’d lucked into? Rosie, you are my everything, and I know I stuffed it all up yesterday, but believe me when I tell you that I feel exactly the opposite of what I said.’

Her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to go to him, but she was too overwhelmed. ‘Sebastian—’

He was quiet, respectful, waiting for her to speak.

‘I didn’t mean to blindside you yesterday, when I told you about my mother.’

He shook his head. ‘I should have known then, how much trouble I was in. I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. Just the thought of anything happening to you scared me senseless, but then the idea that it would be because I’d asked you to have my baby—’ He dragged a hand through his hair. ‘I should have known, and perhaps I did. Perhaps how much I love you is why I pushed you away so hard. I was terrified, Rosie, of a life without you in it.’

‘Then let’s not live that life,’ she whispered, holding out her hand.

He took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips. ‘Rosie, my darling,cara mia. My wife...’ His voice rumbled with passionate possession over the last word. ‘Will you move in with me?’

She pretended to think about it. ‘On one condition.’

‘Name it.’

‘Can we go back to the island first?’

His eyes swept shut on a wave of relief. ‘How soon can you be ready?’

‘Oh, Sebastian. I’ve been ready for this my whole life.’

It was three days before they surfaced from his bedroom on the island for long enough to have a conversation more serious than to debate what they’d like to eat, but finally, as the sun set one evening, and the breeze grew cool, Rosie reached for his hand, forcing herself to be brave.

‘I’ve been thinking,’ Rosie said, her heart beating faster.

‘Oh? Have you had time to think? Then clearly, I am not doing a very good job at seducing you senseless.’

She laughed. ‘Oh, you’ve done an excellent job of that, don’t worry.’

He kissed her hand. ‘What are you thinking, my darling?’

Her heart rolled over. ‘About our baby,’ she said, teeth pressing into her lower lip.

‘I’ve been thinking about that too.’ His expression was wary. ‘Rosie, I want you to have everything you want in life. If that means a baby, if you really want to do this, then of course we’ll start trying again.’

She expelled a shaky breath.

‘But first, I want you to see some specialists. I want assurances, as many assurances as we can get, even knowing absolute guarantees are impossible.’

She nodded. It was so like Sebastian, and so indicative of his love for her, that she couldn’t help but agree.

‘Except—’ His eyes turned down a little, his features serious. ‘What if we waited a little while?’

She tilted her head to the side.

‘I know it’s selfish, but I’m not ready to share you. I love you. I love everything about you, and yet still I feel like there’s so much more I want to know. Every day I learn something new, and I want to keep learning aboutyou, exploring you, loving you, worshipping you, building our life together as a couple before we become a family. What do you think, my love?’ He came to crouch in front of her. ‘As always, this decision is yours.’

---