Page 102 of Modern Romance January 2025 1-4

‘Maybe I was working too much. I tried to be careful but maybe—’

‘No! It’s not your fault.’ He cupped her chin and turned her face towards him, capturing her gaze, willing her to believe him. ‘You can’t blame yourself. You were doing your best to look after our baby.’

His breath stopped on the wordbabyand for a second panic struck at the thought of another miscarriage withthisbaby, until he forced the idea away.

‘But if—’

‘The medical professionals said it was just one of those things. Sometimes miscarriages happen. It’s no one’s fault.’

He’d read about it in the pregnancy books but had never thought it would apply to them. Even so many years after the event it felt like a wound he’d carry permanently. How much worse for Portia? No wonder she’d been stressed about this pregnancy.

So many things took a new meaning now. Portia’s insistence that they not tell anyone about the pregnancy. Her insistence on returning to work, rather than marrying him straight away. Because she had a real fear the baby might die. That they wouldn’t marry and have a family.

Pain ground through him, crushing his certainties.

Thirteen weeks and two days.That waswhy she’d specified fourteen weeks before they told anyone.

That was why she hadn’t been herself these last few days. Why she trembled in his arms. She was afraid for their baby.

‘Oh, Portia. I wish I’d known. You’ve been fretting all this time. What did the doctor say today?’

‘That she saw no indications of a problem. Everything seems to be on track. The baby’s heartbeat is good.’

Relief engulfed him. ‘There you are. You have a good medical report. The doctor isn’t worried.’

‘But that doesn’t guarantee...’

No, there were no guarantees. The realisation terrified him as nothing ever had.

‘True.’ He made himself say it. ‘But if there’s no sign of trouble all we can do is look after you both and take each day as it comes.’

How trite did that sound? Lecturing to a woman who’d lost a baby about being positive. But he couldn’t bear to see her so panicked. Nor could he bear to think about the possibility of another miscarriage.

‘I know. I’m trying.’

‘Of course you are,Chrysi mou. But from now on I’ll be here at your side. Remember that. You’re not doing this alone.’

He thought of her in her teens, pregnant and alone, then losing the child with no one there to support her.

His skin crawled with horror. His belly cramped. He should have been there. He should have been by her side, even if there’d been nothing he could do to save their baby.

Regret, guilt and something close to despair overwhelmed him. He needed to be strong for Portia and this child but for a moment all he could do was lock her in his arms and weather the emotional storm.

She turned her head into his shoulder and he welcomed that sign of her trust. He held her tight, wishing there was more he could do to ease her pain.

Finally he found his voice. ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Portia?’

It would probably sound ridiculous, admitting to a superstitious fear that by voicing the possibility she might jinx this pregnancy. Portia wasn’t normally superstitious.

‘I didn’t want to think about it. Besides, why worry you when I’m doing enough worrying for the pair of us?’

The steady hand stroking her back faltered for a moment before continuing. ‘We’re a couple now, Portia. I can’t promise I can fix everything, but surely it’s better not to bottle up your worries.’

She couldn’t imagine Lex afraid of anything. If so, would he share with her?

But she’d seen his devastation at her news. There was no doubt he cared about this baby she carried, and the one she lost.

You always knew he cared about the baby. Everything he’s doing is to protect his child.

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