Page 81 of Wicked Devotions: Part 2

The drive to Emilia’s dorm only takes fifteen minutes, but I still somehow come up with three different ways that I’m going to end up heartbroken and alone. She gets in the passenger seat with a smile and hello but does a double take when she sees my glazed over eyes. Her purse drops to the floor as she buckles up and turns toward me in the seat.

“What’d they do?”

“What do you mean?”

“You look like someone stole your puppy. Spill the details.”

I give her a half-hearted smile. “They didn’t do anything per se. Let’s wait until we get to Lou and Saylor’s house that I way I don’t have to talk about it twice.”

“Okay.” She settles back in her seat. “How are you feeling otherwise?”

“Better. I think I’m going to have to take Cillian up on his offer to start therapy, though. I’ve been having nightmares that leave me fucked up for hours.”

“Did you just swear?” She puts the back of her hand against my forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

I laugh and swat her hand away as I pull into the driveway.

“Our innocent little girl is growing up,” Emilia says as soon as Saylor opens the door to their townhouse. “She’s dropping f-bombs left and right now.”

Saylor blinks, clearly not expecting that greeting. “Is she now? I’ll believe it when I hear it.”

“Fuck off.” I smile as I say it.

Their teasing provides a levity I didn’t know I needed. We settle in on the couches, and it takes about two seconds for Emilia to prod me for the story. Saylor and Lou look at me expectantly.

“The guys haven’t been touching me very much since everything happened. I’ll get a kiss here and there, and one of them is always there to cuddle me at night but nothing more.” I take a sip of diet soda. “I’m just unsure of what they’re thinking. If they’re like grossed out by me or something.”

“No.” Saylor shakes her head. “Emerson is not grossed out by you. There is no way in hell he feels like that, and I would be shocked if the others do as well.”

“Maybe they’re just scared? Or worried you aren’t ready?” Lou adds.

I nod. Those are logical conclusions someone should be able to come to without needing reassurance from their friends.

“But it doesn’t change the fact that you’re feeling this way,” Emilia adds. “Have you talked to them about it?”

“No. I don't know how to bring up feeling rejected by them. What if they aren’t ready to be with me physically after what happened? I wouldn’t want to push them.”

Saylor gives me a wan smile. “You can’t stay in this limbo forever, though, especially if it’s making you feel sad or rejected. I know regardless of how they’re feeling, they wouldn’t want you to feel like that.”

“You’re right. It’s scary to think about putting myself out there like that.”

“Harper.” Emilia grabs my hand. “You, of all people, are strong enough to have a conversation with the guys you love.”

“No kidding. You’ve been through three lifetimes of horrible shit.”

“You’re a tried and true badass,” Lou finishes Saylor’s thought.

“If worse comes to worst you could always just strip down and tell them you need a good fucking,” Emilia says.

“Ewww.” Saylor grimaces and shivers.

We all fall into laughter, and the conversation moves along. I’m able to let go and enjoy myself for the first time in what feels like months. By the end of the night, my sides hurt from laughing, and my cheeks are tired from smiling.

Chapter

Thirty-Three

EMERSON

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