Page 51 of The Loophole

We’d arrived at my great uncle’s house on my birthday, and Embry and I followed through with our plan. We made everyone believe we were a real couple. This involved a lot of touching, kissing, and handholding. The fact that I thoroughly enjoyed it was confusing, to say the least.

Then, to add to the confusion, we shared a bed every night. Embry insisted, and what was I supposed to say? No thanks, I’m afraid I might like it too much?

Both nights started off with the two of us separated by three feet of mattress. It was a king-size bed, and Em was tiny, so we had plenty of space. But then in the morning, we woke up with me wrapped around him, as if I was a giant squid and he was a little fishing vessel I was trying to drag into the deep.

Okay, so that was a weird analogy, but I really did feel like some sort of clingy, multi-armed tentacle monster who couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

Not that Embry complained. Just the opposite. He cuddled me right back, and when I tried to apologize, he smiled and made light of it.

It just added to an already baffling situation. I knew I truly liked and cared about Embry. But I was also finding myself more and more attracted to him as time went on, and that was throwing me for a loop.

Was I actually bisexual, like I’d told my grandfather? Was it possible to go thirty-seven years without knowing that about myself?

I didn’t feel like I was, though. Overall, men still grossed me out. So, what was I, Embrysexual? Was there a name for only being attracted to a single member of my own gender?

I hid in the bathroom with my phone on Christmas Eve, trying to Google it like a clueless kid hitting puberty. It turned out there was actually something called demisexuality, which I’d never heard of. It basically meant being attracted to individuals regardless of their gender or physical features, but only after forming a strong emotional connection to them.

Had that always been the case? I tried to analyze the handful of pseudo-relationships I’d had in my life, but then my cousin Raya’s obnoxious husband knocked on the bathroom door and yelled, “You’ve been in there a long time, dude. Did you fall in?” He had the sense of humor of a not particularly bright third grader.

I pocketed my phone, got up from the edge of the tub, and flushed the unused toilet. Then I washed my hands for no reason and opened the door, shooting him a look as I said, “There are literally nine other bathrooms you could have used.”

“This one is closest.”

I fought back a sigh and rejoined my family in the living room. We’d finished dinner almost an hour ago, but we’d eaten early so the kids could dine with us, since it was Christmas Eve. How much longer before we could claim to be tired and escape to our room?

Embry was sitting in front of the fireplace with my cousins Raya and Gabby, and Dusty was on his lap. I crossed the room and perched on the arm of his chair, since all the seats were taken. Then again, even if there’d been a place to sit, I still would have chosen this spot.

He idly began to stroke my thigh as he said, “We were talking about your grandfather’s birthday bash in Sausalito next month. It sounds like it’s going to be quite the event.”

“Yeah, he goes all out every year and rents this same inn for the weekend. Ninety percent of the guests are his clients, so more than anything, it’s an excuse to wine and dine them. But it’s also a time for the family to gather and celebrate Granddad, and the inn is gorgeous. I think you’ll like it.”

“You need to be careful, though,” Raya teased. “The walls in that old inn are paper thin, so everyone will hear it if you two newlyweds get down and dirty.”

“Oh, please.” Gabby rolled her eyes. “As if our straight-laced cousin would have wild sex. I’m sure it’s all perfectly mild and boring.”

Embry got up and shifted Dusty in his arms. “Shows what you know. Bryson’s an amazingly creative lover. I’d go so far as to call him innovative, bordering on avant-garde. He makes me come so hard that it’s like a twelve-pack of Coke blowing up in the back seat of a car on a hot summer’s day.”

With that, he made a series of exploding sounds and waved his hand around. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Then he added, “That’s part of the reason I married him. When you find a man with that kind of skill set, you lock that shit down.” He turned to me and said, “I know you’ve already made me come five times today, but I’m ready for round six if you are.”

My cousins looked stunned. I got up too and said, “Of course, baby.” I draped my arm over Embry’s shoulders as we walkedaway. Once we were out of earshot, I leaned in and whispered, “Thanks for that.”

“Happy to help. I hope I didn’t overdo it, but what they were saying really annoyed me.”

“They excel at that. Avant-garde, though?”

“I didn’t have any material prepared, so I had to wing it. Be glad I didn’t call our imaginary sex life wacky and thought-provoking. Those were the first words that came to mind, but I managed to push them aside.”

“Yikes.”

“Exactly.”

“The Coke thing though, that painted a picture.”

“Thank you.”

I asked, “Are we really leaving?”

“I think we have to after that. Let’s go say goodnight to Statler and Waldorf.” I thought it was hilarious that he referred to my grandfather and great uncle as the two old men from The Muppet Show. There was a definite resemblance.

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