Page 72 of What If I Knew You

I give in and wrap my arms around him, wishing I could somehow cover myself in his comfort. In his peace. In the calmness of him.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I sob. “You’re so unbelievably thoughtful.”

“I just wanted to make you smile. That’s all.”

My breath hitching against his chest, I try to nod. “I promise I’m smiling on the inside.”

“I’ll take that,” he says with a soft chuckle. I feel his lips press against the top of my head. “Can I put some food on a plate for you? You haven’t eaten much this week by the sound of it.”

“Not yet,” I answer meekly, grabbing onto his shirt. “I just…can you just hold me for a minute?”

He tightens his grasp around my body and it feels so good. Comforting and warm. I feel safe in his arms. Cherished even. Plus, he smells good. “There’s nothing I would rather do.”

This guy.

He’s been here for me all week even when he couldn’t be here in person.

He’s checked up on me every day.

I don’t know if it’s selfish of me to be thinking these thoughts or not considering the arrangement we have together but, fuck. I’ve been a hot mess all week and he hasn’t run from any of it. What has Sean, the nurse, done for me other than tease me at work or come on a little too strong because he has a penis and I have a vagina?

Why would I go out with him?

Why didn’t I just say no the moment he asked?

Bodhi has been nothing but nice and compassionate and caring and a part of me wonders if I might be falling for him.

It's totally the wrong move though given the fact that my father won’t approve, but I can’t help it. How am I supposed to control the way I feel when he’s here being all…Bodhi?

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

BODHI

“He was the sweetest little boy, but he was no match for the huge pick-up truck that rammed into his side of his family’s car.”

I watch as Corri takes a scoop of ice cream right out of the container, swallowing it down despite the tears still floating down her cheeks. My heart breaks for her. I know this is killing her but I knew she would need to talk about it.

“I can still see his sweet little face when the EMTs wheeled him in. He couldn’t speak. His parents couldn’t be with him because they were hurt too. He was all alone.”

“I can’t even imagine,” I whisper, listening to her recount her workday.

“I was the only one he had.” She shakes her head, crying a little more as she glances up at me with big round, glistening eyes. “I was all he had. And so, I held his hand and brushed his hair back and whispered to him that he was going to be okay, you know? I…I didn’t want him to be scared. I didn’t want him to feel alone so I held on to him while everyone worked around us.”

She sniffles quietly and then grabs for a tissue to blow her nose. “I was holding his tiny little hand when he left this world,Alan,” she cries. “I was literally holding him as he passed away.” She crumbles against me on the couch and I wrap my arm around her, my hand smoothing up and down her back. “Why does God take the little ones? They never do anything wrong. They’re kids! He was so little. So young.”

“I wish I knew the answer,” I tell her, knowing she doesn’t need me to say anything at all. She just needs to feel her feelings.

“And since my shift was ending before his parents got out of surgery, I waited”—sniffle—“I waited for them to wake up in recovery so I could be there when the doctors broke the news to them that their son was gone.”Sniffle.“I waited because I wanted them to know he wasn’t in pain and that he wasn’t alone and”—sniffle—“that the moment he left this world was peaceful for him.” Her breath hitches with every sniffle. “It was the least I could do.”

“And you did all those things because you are a beautiful, loving, compassionate soul, Corri. I can tell you care about people. You give your all to your job and the patients you care for, I can tell.”

“I love my job,” she whispers. “But I hate it at the same time.”

“I have no doubt. It’s okay to hate that part of your job. And it’s okay to feel it with every fiber of your being.”

God, what I wouldn’t do to take away her pain.

Her grief.

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