Page 24 of What If I Knew You

“Of course I did. All the time when I was younger. I’ve just never…”

“Put the ham in the ham wallet?” Griffin suggests.

“Slap the beaver?” Harrison adds.

“Slam the hen?”

“Shoot the sherbert?”

“Take Willy Wonka to Wonderland?”

Harrison points at Griffin and smiles at him. “Ooh that’s a good one, Bro.”

The two of them fist-bump as I sit watching them with a deadpan expression.

“Yeah. I’ve never done any of those things. So, no way in hell am I walking up to some hot puck bunny who’s looking for a good time when I’m really not at all confident that I can give it to her. I mean what if I suck balls and she tells every goddamn person she sees that I’m terrible in bed?”

Griffin lifts his finger. “Okay first of all, dude, you don’t suck the balls. She does.”

I roll my eyes again and let out a frustrated sigh. “You know what I mean.”

He nods. “Yeah, I hear you. So, it sounds like you need to find a friend.”

“A friend?”

“Yeah like, a friend with benefits. Someone you trust who you can practice with.”

“Why a friend?”

Griffin cringes. “Because dude, what else are you going to do? Hire a hooker? Do you think that won’t end up on the front page of every tabloid known to man? Besides, that’s gross.”

“How is it any less gross than the puck bunnies hanging around here?”

“Well for starters they’re usually a lot cleaner and you don’t have to pay them. They just want bragging rights,” Harrison explains.

Griffin nods and then leans in and whispers, “Yeah, and if they’re really good, they can become regulars whenever you’re in their town so you’re not whoring it up with hundreds of different partners. Not that that’s a particularly bad thing.”

“But also,” Harrison says, swirling the drink in his glass, “sex comes pretty naturally really. You just need to make sure you’re aware of the sounds your partner makes. If you touch her and she moans or something, that usually means she likes it. Mostof the time, you’ll know if she’s not into something and then you can change things up.”

I wipe my hand down my face. “But how am I supposed to know what to change up and how to change it if I’ve never done it before in the first place?”

Harrison glances at Griffin who smiles and nods before they both look at me and say, “Porn.”

“What?”

“Dude, just watch some porn.” Griffin shrugs. “Not like the wild and crazy stuff but just some general sex. You’ll get the idea of what girls like and how to do things. But if you’re really that worried about it, I’d seriously go find yourself a friend.”

I slouch in my chair and drain the last of my drink. “Where the hell am I supposed to find not only a female friend, but one who wouldn’t mind letting me fuck her a few times to see how good at it I may or may not be? I can’t just put that out there on social media.”

Harrison gives me a sympathetic half smile as he shakes his head. “Definitely can’t do that, no. You seriously don’t know anyone?”

I’m quiet for a moment as I consider the one and only female I know in California who, as luck would have it, happens to reside in Anaheim. My pause is just enough time for Griffin to raise a suspicious brow. “So, you do know someone?”

I tap my finger on my glass nervously. “There’s…there’s this one girl.”

“Well, there you go!” Griffin says, sitting back in his seat and raising his arms in victory. “That’s your in!”

“Wait, wait, I don’t even really know her though.”

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