Page 44 of The Butcher

“So this was all about ego? A pretty girl pumped you up, so you pumped into her?”

He wouldn’t look at me.

“All those years I’ll never get back…” He was threatened by my body count, but he’d exceeded that number during our marriage alone. There had been a moment, however brief it was, when I’d actually considered taking him back. But that was one woman, one time, a mistake. This was just objectively disrespectful. At least now, I didn’t have to wonder if the marriage was salvageable. “Thanks for telling me…I guess.”

He sat there and basked in the glow of his shame. He let the silence pass and intensify the pain that throbbed between us. “I know this is hard to believe, but my transgressions had nothingto do with my love for you. I regret all of it, regret it with all my heart. If I could take it all back, I would, because losing you has been the single most painful event of my life. I hate knowing you’re here alone…while I sleep in the bed I used to share with you. There’s been no one else since you’ve been gone, and I’ll put my hand to the bible and swear to that.”

I stared at the empty vase on my table, sculpted into a woman’s derriere. I hadn’t had time to put flowers in it.

“There are no more secrets. That’s the whole truth. And I know it’s crazy for me to even ask, but I would love another chance?—”

A sarcastic chuckle escaped my lips as I rolled my eyes.

He hesitated, his eyes shifting to me. “I told you the truth, Fleur. You don’t know how hard that was.”

“Not nearly as hard as hearing it, I can tell you that much.”

“I give you my word it won’t happen again.”

“Your word doesn’t mean shit, Adrien. You promised to be faithful to me for the rest of our lives, and you shit all over that.” Blue eyes popped into my mind, as they often did. A sexy stranger who occupied my nights and chased away my loneliness. He said he was a man of his word, and maybe I was an idiot for believing another man, but I believed him.

“I made a mistake?—”

“Fuck up once, it’s a mistake. Fuck up twice, it’s a habit. Fuck up three times, and it’s your character. You’re a cheater, Adrien—that’s who you are. You’ll cheat on your next wife. And the next one…”

He succumbed to the silence, his head bowed like a dog that had received a smack on the nose.

“Cecilia saved me.” I felt so much gratitude for the woman who’d fucked my husband. Whatever her intentions were, to drive me out of the house so she could take my place, I didn’t really care. She’d told me the truth—and spared me. If I hadn’t discovered this until a decade into the future, my youth would be gone, and I would have already had children with the man I now hated. “Saved my fucking ass.”

Now that I knew the full truth, I didn’t have to look back and wonder what I could have done differently. I didn’t have to wonder if the marriage was worth saving, if perhaps I needed to grant mercy rather than rage.

But I also had to start over—to grieve all over again.

Paris was the most beautiful city in the world, but I didn’t appreciate the flowers that grew on the balconies, the smell of fresh baguettes from the boulangeries, hot espresso on a cold morning, the beautiful people who met at outside cafés for a smoke and a drink. A part of me died when my marriage died.

And I wouldn’t get her back.

Bastien texted me.I’m in the neighborhood.

I was so miserable I didn’t even want to talk to my antidepressant.I want to be alone right now. He was always honest with me, straight to the point, so I decided to be the same back to him. If it were someone else, I wouldn’t havebothered to text back, but I felt an inexplicable obligation toward him.

He didn’t fire off questions or send me words of comfort. Didn’t offer to come by or buy me a drink. He just let me be.You know how to find me, sweetheart.

Days passed. I went to work, came home, slept twelve hours a day because I had no ambition to be awake. Bastien didn’t come by the bar or text me, so when I asked to be alone, he respected that request.

A part of me was afraid he thought I was giving him the brush-off, that he would find someone else whose company he preferred more than mine, and when I texted him again, he wouldn’t text me back.

I still wasn’t in the mood for companionship, but I didn’t want to lose the one good thing I had in my life.I’m sorry I was harsh before.It was three in the afternoon. I didn’t know what he would be doing at that time, if he was still asleep or if he was out and about. The first time we’d slept together, he’d left early in the morning because he had a meeting. I wasn’t sure what his schedule was like.

But his three dots were immediate—as always.You weren’t.

It was so easy to talk to him, strangely so. When I met Adrien, we were swept up in passion and laughter, and the whirlwind never stopped. I’d only known him for a year before we were married. With Bastien, the passion was tenfold, but the rest of the time, it was calm…and easy. Not that I should compare the two becauseI’d had a relationship with Adrien, and with Bastien, it was…something casual.Just didn’t want you to think I was blowing you off.

I’m too hot to blow off.

I wasn’t sure if he was being playful or not, but I smiled anyway, hearing his voice in my head and picturing that handsome smirk.Very true.

Hungry, sweetheart? I could go for a steak.

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