Page 35 of Monstrous Travels as Wicked as Sin

“I’m sorry. I’m very worried about both of them. If they don’t have each other, then they’ll fall apart, and… That’s something I know too well…” On a long exhalation, without reaching for Joe, he finished with, “He cannot cope without her.”

“And I’m sure you wouldn’t mind being there in time to pick up the pieces.” It was a bitter jibe that drew equal vehemence from Percy.

“How can you say that to me?”

“Do you love her?”

The response, this time, was fast and firm. “I love you and only you.”

But in quick succession, “You would say that.”

Percy’s fury was barely repressed as he shot back, “Of course I’d say that, it’s true. I can imagine how this looks to you?—”

“It looks exactly like you want to be the rebound when they break up.”

Finally it boiled over. “What the fuck is that?” Percy snapped. “She’s my friend and I’m worried about her, and that should be okay. I should be able to talk to you about this. But if it’s not Anna, then it’s Cleo, or Giordano, or goddamned Debbie. I’m trying—really, I am—but sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I’m never going to be good enough for you.”

Joe turned back, his eyes flaring in anger equal to Percy’s, but with a jab of guilt in his gut. “That’s not true.”

Percy’s immaculate chin lifted in challenge. “It is, though, isn’t it? I’m sorry I have a past. I’m sorry that didn’t involve you, but had you not been quite so faithful to your God, had you put me first like I wanted to put you first, then nothing ever would have happened with Anna. If you would have chosen me, I would have chosen you, and we would have been together from the start.”

“Like how Anna was with your brother?” The words Joe spoke shocked him into silence, and he badly wished he could cram them back in. It wasn’t remotely fair, and he knew it, but he was too angry to give an inch by apologising, despite Percy’s silent, withdrawn face.

He did the only thing he could think to do, and he fled the scene. He gathered some clothes and disappeared into the ensuite, slamming the door and leaving Percy to sit alone in the room to contemplate the many mistakes he’d made. Or hadn’t made. Because they both knew Percy’s brother was as good as dead when Percy took up with Anna, in whatever way he did. In whatever way had made him just as obsessed with her back then as he claimed to be with Joe now.

Joe wrenched the shower on and tried to get a grip of himself. Yes, he was jealous. Insanely jealous. But he had been doing so well. So well with all Percy’s admissions and love affairs, and even if it drove him up the wall to think of Percy with all those people, he believed Percy when he said it meant nothing. He could see the way he fit with Percy so perfectly, in the way no one else could.

Almost no one else.

Because there Anna was and would always be. That little bit darker than Joe. That little bit more dangerous and probably more exciting for it. Forbidden. Off limits. The one person Percy couldn’t have. Someone with breasts and hips and female lips that Joe wondered if Percy missed. Someone who was an atheist, and who, in so many ways, would compliment Percy…

By the time Joe was dressed, fixing his hair, he was calm enough to see how unreasonable he may have acted, but not nearly calm enough to control it. He had no doubt that once he walked through that door, he’d find Percy packed, fully dressed, ready to run back to Anna.

Joe refused. He wouldn’t go with him. He was never going to be Percy’s second choice. He would send a message that he didn’t even need Percy, untrue as it was. But he wanted Percy to believe it. To know that if Anna threw Percy over, there would be nothing to come back to. That Joe would be somewhere in Europe for what was left of his vacation leave, and he would be… doing something. Anything. Anything that didn’t involve Percy.

Joe, head held high, thrust the door open, expecting to see their suitcases in the doorway, but no. He saw only Percy, still half-undressed, watch off and set down beside him, writing at the desk.

Joe was both relieved and perplexed. “What are you doing?”

He didn’t look up. “I’m sending Aubrey the recipe. Like you said. It’s really up to her when she wants to make it. Even if I think it’s a travesty.”

He scrawled at his paper, while Joe felt perfectly undecided about what to do. Poke the beast? Give in to the anger? Let him get away with it as though he hadn’t done a thing wrong? “I’ll see you later.”

In one quick shift, Percy’s eyes fell on Joe’s clothes. Black. With his white collar. Dressed for church. He sent a glower towards the cross on the hill. “I thought it was important to you that we work this morning.”

“You seemed to have other things on your mind.”

Percy’s gaze darkened as he settled it back on Joe. “I have you on my mind. And nothing else. And now you’re going to run out on me for that bullshit?”

“That bullshit?”

“We have things to discuss. I’m here, putting you first, and as usual, I’m way down your list.”

“Way down my list? I have all of two things in my life.”

“And there you go again, running off after this crap.” He threw a hand towards the cross, his voice returning to the sameincandescence it held before Joe had left him to cool down. “It makes you feel awful, you won’t live in my house because of it, it took you forever to even look at me, and now one argument and you go running back to God. You throw your jealousy at me like I’ve done anything wrong, but I’m never your first choice, nor have I ever been. Not like you are mine, every single time. If anyone has a right to be jealous, it’s me.”

“You? Jealous?” Joe laughed bitterly. “Percy Ashdown, jealous. The man who simply reaches out and takes everything he wants in this life, without regret or consequences, imagines he has any idea what it’s like to be jealous. Please.”

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