Page 78 of Every Broken Thing

“Panic attack,” I finally croaked.

He saw right through me. “Yeah, I got that. What triggered it?”

“Does it matter?” I snapped.

“Right now it does.” He pointed out of the windshield. “You almost crashed into oncoming traffic. We could have died.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” he cried, making me flinch. He took a deep breath, lowering his volume as he said, “I want you to tell me what happened.”

How could I? There were no words to describe the ugliness of what had happened behind that stage.

But Ben wasn’t stupid.

“Was it Boyt?” he demanded, and I turned away, using my shirt sleeve to clean my face. “Answer me.”

“I don’t think I need to,” I said.

His expression cooled, and I hated the way it scared me.

“Turn the truck around.”

The order was low and vicious.

“No,” I said.

Leaning across the bench seat, he stared me down. “Turn the fucking truck around.”

I’d never seen this side of him. He was so cold, and I hated it. Ben was never cold. He was the sun. He’d always been the sun. And I was the earth, ensnared by his gravity.

But the Ben sitting in front of me wasn’t the sun. He was the icy void of space. It reminded me of Eric’s eyes when they’d emptied of humanity. That sheer nothingness that only rage could birth.

When I made no move to start the truck, Ben shoved open his door and climbed out. I called after him, but he ignored me as he started walking back to the school.

I fumbled with the door handle, my hands useless and clammy, but I managed to open it. I tumbled out of the truck and gave chase.

“Ben, stop.” I caught up to him and grabbed his arm, but he shook me off. “Please, don’t leave me.”

He faltered at that, and I stepped in front of him and fisted his hoodie in my hands. “Don’t leave me alone.”

Life flickered in his eyes, even as he grabbed my wrists to remove my grip. Unwilling to lose him to the anger, I threw my arms around him and attached myself to his body resolutely. If he wanted to storm all the way back to school, then he would have to carry me the whole damn way. I wasn’t letting go.

“I need you with me,” I confessed, using his earlier words. “Are you with me?”

Slowly, ever so slowly, his arms circled my waist. His chest heaved, great puffs of air fanning over my ear.

“I’m with you, Silas,” he finally said. “Where else am I gonna go?”

Delving one hand into his hair, I shuddered against him. “Don’t scare me like that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he chanted, fingers digging into my back. “I’d never hurt you. I didn’t mean to scare you; I was just so angry.”

I nodded into his shoulder. “I know. Just stay with me, okay?”

With a pained sound, he pulled away and cupped my face. “I can’t stand it when you look at me like that.”

“How am I looking at you?”

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