Page 54 of Every Broken Thing

Ben: Sass. BTW who’s the little girl?

I proceeded to explain the storyCliffsNotes-style about the pathetic loser who knocked Sadie up in high school and then left her to raise her kid alone. She got her GED and met Dan a few years later, and they were married this past spring. Dan worked in sales for some software company and, though I found him rather boring compared to Sadie’s spitfire attitude, he was a good, decent guy.

Ben: Her real dad isn’t in the picture?

Silas: Nope. He’s never even met her. Which is stupid because she’s the best child in the universe.

Ben: You like kids?

Silas: Not kids like the whole child population of the earth, but you can’t NOT love Lily Bug. She’s great.

An extra-long pause followed my statement, and Lily, now bored with my texting, scampered to the family room to climb into Uncle Rick’s lap instead. He absently handed her his phone, and she frowned in concentration as she played a child’s game on the device.

Ben: You never cease to surprise me.

Silas: Expected me to be a child hater?

Ben: No. Just not the type to cater to a child by allowing her to massacre your hair with girly shit.

Silas: Well it’s not like I’m gonna run out and impregnate a bunch of girls so I can have a baker’s dozen! But yeah, I guess kids are cool.

Ben sent me numerous laughing emojis.

Ben: Lunch is ready. Gotta go.

Silas: Enjoy. See you later.

We ate a late lunch, but it was delicious. I stuffed my face with turkey, ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, green-bean casserole, and candied yams. Dessert was filled with pumpkin, apple, and pecan pies, and by the time the table cleared, I was sporting the most impressive muffin top.

Rubbing my now-full belly, I drifted in a blissful food coma as I listened to Uncle Rick and Dad chat and laugh animatedly about a particularly disastrous Thanksgiving from their youth. Lily napped in Dan’s lap as Sadie drank too much wine, and Anna and I snuck sips from Will and Sadie’s glasses until a pleasant buzz took residence in my bloodstream.

Today was a good day.

Today wasnota good day!

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I grumbled again as I blew into my hands to stave off the chill.

Ben chuckled beside me, and I instinctively pressed closer to him as the crowd around us tightened. I didn’t like this many bodies surrounding me, closing in and trapping me, but I forced the claustrophobia down. Having a panic attack in this moment would not be helpful.

“Oh, stop complaining, Debbie Downer.” The blond beside me knocked my elbow with his, a quirky grin on his face. “It’ll be fun.”

I sent him a withering stare as Ronnie shifted on my other side. “Yeah, it’s gonna be great. I’m restocking my closet and gonna buy a new pair of Nikes.”

Pantomiming throwing up, I sulked, and Esther chuckled from her spot wrapped in Ronnie’s arms. Her soft laughter turned into a yelp as Ronnie dipped his head into her neck and blew a raspberry against her skin.

“Ron, stop.” She smacked the arms currently caging her back to his front, but her struggles were half-hearted.

The doors to the mall opened, and the crowd surged forward, making me yelp as the people at our backs pushed and prodded. A warm hand tentatively wrapped around mine until we were palm-to-palm, and I gripped Ben’s hand like a rescue line, answering the unspoken question. There was no way I was getting lost in the madness, and if I was going to die being trampled, I would sure as hell take him with me.

“For Sparta!” Ronnie roared, and Esther shrieked as he charged forward, her hand tucked in his. I barked out a sound that was supposed to be a laugh, but it morphed into apained cry halfway through as someone crushed my foot while simultaneously jabbing me in the gut.

Ben and I remained connected by the hands—something I tried not to dwell on—until we broke through the main mass of bodies. Ronnie’s dirty-blond hair bobbed above the crowd a few yards ahead of us, and Ben and I battled our way through the masses in his direction.

“This is idiocy!” I screeched, and Ben laughed.

Once the initial rush passed, we weaved through the sea of people easier. When Ben didn’t release my hand, I had no reason to fight him on it, and we trekked through the full corridor with palms pressed together. His skin was soft beneath mine, slight calluses hardening the spots below his fingers from the summer he spent working at Uncle Henry’s construction business. I didn’t mind the blend of rough and smooth, and my stomach fluttered and flopped like a fish out of water as I tightened my grasp.

I figured I might as well take advantage of this while I had the excuse, because all too soon I would need to let go. I didn’t want to let him go.

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