Page 51 of Every Broken Thing

Silas: If I have to suffer, so do you.

Ben didn’t reply.

Silas: Ben!

He still didn’t respond.

Silas: Beeeeeeeen!

He was still reading the chat but not replying, and I pouted.

Silas: BEN!

Ben: Stop screaming my name.

Silas: Terrible word choice given our topic of conversation.

I bit my lip as I sent a winking emoji.

Ben: Are you insinuating you’re a screamer? Because I don’t think we’re far enough along in our relationship for that revelation.

Burying my face in my pillow, I laughed.

Silas: My lips are sealed on that front. A boy’s gotta keep some secrets.

Ben: Wise words.

Neither of us added to the chat for a minute or two, and I utilized the break to check if the sex noises had stopped. Their bed wasn’t creaking anymore, so that was at least an improvement.

Silas: Status report: No more scarring noises coming from my brother’s room.

Ben: Thank God.

Silas: I’m an atheist.

Ben: Really? Or is this another instance of sass?

My first instinct was to deflect, but I decided on honesty instead.

Silas: TBH I don’t know whether God exists, but I figured if he does, then he is much too busy worrying about nuclear war, famine, and genocide to see little ol’ me.

Ben: That’s depressing.

Silas: You believe in God?

Ben: I’d like to think there’s something out there bigger than all this shit. That things happen for a reason. That there’s justice.

Silas: Justice?

Our conversation had taken a heavy turn for one in the morning, and I waited for several minutes as Ben typed and then erased and started over again.

Ben: Life isn’t fair. Death should be.

Silas: Death is death. Blackout. Game over.

Ben: Then what we do in this life doesn’t matter. I can’t live like that.

Silas: What we do in this life matters more. It’s all we have.

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