Page 28 of Unholy

“I can’t be like her. I’m not her.”

“I don’t want her, Ash. Be with me.”

“What about Ben?” I ask him.

“Fuck Ben. He doesn’t need you the way I do,” he tells me. My heart leaps in my chest a little at his words. I don’t know what to say. Do I feel a connection to Tristan? Yeah, I do, but we’re so different this could never work out between us.

“I can’t.”

“Don’t walk away from me, Ash. I won’t live to see another day if you do.” It’s a threat. I can hear it in his tone.

“No. You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to threaten me, Tristan.”

“I’m not threatening. Just … fuck. Get out,” he orders, looking the other way. It hurts. I felt an ache deep inside my chest when he turned his head and looked the other way.

Do I want to be with Tristan? Part of me says yes, but the other part, the more rational part, says to run the other way because I can’t and never will be what he needs. However, what if he’s telling the truth? What if he does need me?

Going against my better judgment, I reach for him, grabbing his face in my hand and turning it back to face me.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Tristan. It feels wrong and right at the same time,” I tell him truthfully.

“Nothing right is ever wrong, Ash.” He leans in, pressing his lips to mine once more, and I find myself savoring every bit of him. His hand stays on my hip for a short time before he pulls away and pushes me onto my back. Then, his hand slides into the top of my jeans. The ones I wore, knowing he’d see me in them.

“You wore the jeans,” he makes a note.

“I’m finding I like them.”

“Me too,” he whispers as his hand sinks into the front of my panties. I suck in a rigid breath when he slowly dips a finger inside me.

“So fucking tight,” he says as he works a finger in a little more. I’ve never felt anything like this. Nothing at all, and I know I should be ashamed, but I’m not. It feels too good to even think about feeling that way.

“I want to fuck you, Little Nun. I want to dirty you up with my body.” His words have my breathing picking up speed, and I don’t know how to stop it from happening. He works his finger in and out of me, and I whine. He keeps going, hitting a spot inside that nearly has me leaping off the bed.

“Tell me. Tell me I can fuck you, Ash.”

“I don’t know. We’re not married,” I tell him because that’s the way it should be, right? We should be married before sex.

“That’s so old school. You know that, right? Hell, mom was probably fucking your dad before they got married,” he replies casually.

“Isn’t it personal? I mean, shouldn’t it mean something?”

“You think it won’t mean anything? It’ll mean you’re mine, Ash. Some people believe when you kiss you belong to that person. I believe when I sunk my teeth into your flesh, you became mine.”

“I can’t … we can’t …”

“We can. Just say the words, and I’m going to bury my fucking secrets inside you.”

I lie in his bed while he slides his finger in and out of me in the most delicious ways I’ve ever felt, and I’m torn. Do I do this? It goes against everything I’ve ever learned. No sex before marriage, but I let him touch me, and I shouldn’t have done that either.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?” he asks. I nod my head, and he leans over, kissing me once more. I can tell he’s still in pain, but that doesn’t stop himfrom getting to work on our clothes. He winces when he pulls his off, and I offer him his pain meds.

“They make me tired, and I don’t want to fucking sleep, Ash. I want inside you like I’ve never wanted anything before.”

Once he has us both naked, he grabs the condom from his table and slides it on. His penis seems bigger than the last time I saw it, and that scares me a little.

“Will it fit?”

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