He’s not wrong. This is notjustthe fallout of our quiet rebellion, or my own behavior. While it’s true that the Gray Manisconcerned that he’s losing more and more control over his Librarian and her Crew with each passing day, he’s also starting to obsess over his so-called legacy and the cost of leaving Jax the keys to his criminal kingdom. He firmly believes his adult son has amounted to nothing in the eyes of the Underworld.
If only he knew the truth of Jax’s ambition and loyalty to his Crew. We’ve been dutifully preparing for the day Sebastian decided he was no longer worth the investment needed to fulfill his twisted vision. We have contingencies for everything short of complete and total anarchy. Whether that’s in a battle of usvsThe Strange Aces or usvsThe Crown.
Or usvsSebastian.
The problem is the rest of the team aren’t nearly as indispensable as Jax and I.
“Yeah, of course he did. He wants to knock you down a peg. Send you home with your tail between your legs. Make you look like a complete pussy in front of the rest of the Suits,” I toss back drily, throwing with my arms wide in a helpless gesture. “He’s either going to have you sit back at headquarters for the next year with your thumb up your ass, or he’s going to ship you off somewhere far away, probably under the guise of territory expansion as an Ambassador.”
And to the real heart of the matter.
“All so you won’t be there to yankmyass out of the fire,” I add, tiredly.
Everyone our rank or higher knows that I’m not Front Man material—that I can’t be trusted with a solo mission. Without Jax there to compensate for my impulse control issues, or to clean up my messes, this whole endeavor has failure written all over it from the start.
As badly as Sebastian wants fresh blood and the city of Roxborough under his control, I suspect he wants us humbled and back under his thumb even more.
For him, this is a win-win.
My hands drop back to my sides, the file slapping lightly against my thigh. I’m so fucking tired, all the way down to my bones, and all the political hoops of bullshit that we need to be jump through in order to navigate this mess suddenly seem so goddamn overwhelming.
Jax narrows his eyes and pulls away from Knox’s gentle grip on his shoulder to stride towards me. The tension and frustration we’re all feeling at this moment is reflected across his tight, broad shoulders and clenched fists.
After all these years I like to think I know him pretty damn well. I can see the guilt in every flicker of the muscles beneath his neatly-trimmed beard as he grits his teeth. In the tight lines around his eyes. He’s the one in charge and yet he’s effectively been cut off from his whole team.
I know he believeshe’sfailed us even though this all starts and ends with me.
A token apology sits right there on my tongue as I watch him move around the table. Instead of a feeling of genuine remorse however, my stupid gray matter is so hard-wired to crave danger that this latest turn of events is starting to excite me even more than it frightens me.
And the way he’s stalking towards me? His sharp, crystal blue eyes locked on my blue-grays? My lizard brain is receiving an obviouspredatorsignal and yet instead of the properfight or flightresponse, it’s flooding my system with dopamine. I do my darnedest to ignore the expectantzipof adrenaline racing up and down my spine, and to school my features as I watch him approach.
A quick glance at Rhett’s small, knowing smirk lets me know I wasn’t as smooth as I thought.
Shit.
Jax comes to a stop directly in front of me, so close we’re practically toe to toe. He stands a few inches over me at 6’1, but I’m tall enough that I don’t need to crane my neck to meet his gaze. His bright eyes dart between mine, like he’s trying to get a quick read on how seriously I’m taking our new set of circumstances.
The blatant crowding of my personal space is decidedlynothelping my horny bitch self, and my heart rate picks up in what it thinks is sexual anticipation.
His dark brows pull together in a frown as he mistakes the reason for my racing pulse. “This isn’t a fuckingjoke, Sabine! For once, can you please just take something fuckingseriously!” His voice is a low growl, and again I have to reign in my gutter thoughts.
Despite a very close and physically affectionate relationship, I’m relatively sure Jax has only ever viewed me as the annoying little sister and asset he’s obligated to protect.
I, however, can’t simply turn off years of my lady parts’ unrequited crush on a whim. Jax is not a hulking, ripped and tattooed specimen like Rhett or Knox. He’s tall, broad and athletic, with golden skin, a neatly trimmed beard covering a sharp jawline, and stylishly-cut, dark wavy hair. He’s always immaculately dressed, more like a CEO mafia prince instead of the TAC team operative like the rest of the boys. While his father’s eyes are a dark, oceanic blue, Jax’s are bright and clear like the summer sky. He’s breathtaking to look at.
Not to mention his dominant, no-nonsense, alpha-boss vibes are just…swoon.
“I am taking this seriously, Jax, I promise.” I gesture at my bandage. “Between this hangover and my failed suicide attempt I’m feeling a lot like roadkill and not so much up to Gray Man reindeer games.” He doesn’t smile at my lame attempt at brevity, instead he bristles further at my attitude.
Double shit.
I hold up the folder between us as a peace offering. “Look, I only need leverage on the staff and the most promising students. We don’t need a full deep dive on every single person on this list. A quick background will be enough for most of them.”
I look over at Foster who is now staring morosely at Jax and I instead of the wall. I could really use his help on this. “Hey man, we got this, right?” I waggle the folder in his direction and am rewarded with a strained smile and slow nod. Eh, that’s enough for now. I might have to promise him a few games ofCounterstrikelater to butter him up.
Maybe a few episodes ofDeath Note.
Jax flicks his eyes down to the file. “I’m not worried about yourintel, Sabine. I’m worried about yourpeople skills,” he says, completely deadpan and with not a single hint of his usual affection.