Page 86 of My Not So Wicked Boss (My Not So Wicked 3)

He drew closer to me, taking my face in his shaky hands. “Then the night we kissed.” He leaned down as if he wanted to relive it. Our breath mingled between us. “I thought I could simply walk away from it unchanged, but I can’t stop thinking about you. The connection was something I’d never felt before. In that kiss, you so willingly gave yourself to me and I realized you deserved that in return. Aspen,” he whispered, “I don’t know if I can be that man. Like your ex-husband, I’ve been a selfish bastard my entire life. I would never subject you to someone like him again. And like my father, I can’t keep my eyes off the nanny. What kind of man does that make me?” He dropped his hands and backed away.

“You’re not Leland or your father.”

He hung his head. “I’m afraid I am.”

I took his hand in mine and held it against my heart that was about to beat out of my chest. “Believe me when I say you are no Leland. He would have never canceled his plans to take Chloe last night, and she’s his flesh and blood. He wouldn’t have stopped that night we kissed. He would have taken all he could get, not caring that he planned to break my heart. And how can you say you’re like your father? He was a married man when he pursued your mother.”

“That is one sin that I have not committed.”

“What sins do you think you’ve committed?”

He pulled his hand away from me. The heavy breaths he released in the cold air lingered between us. “Most of my life I’ve done what I wanted, caring very little about others. There have been exceptions, but even then, I’ve still hurt them. Take Penelope, for example.”

My forehead crinkled at the sound of her name.

“I couldn’t commit to her the way she wanted. I haven’t been able to commit to any woman for long.”

“Maybe you haven’t found the right woman.”

“I have found her.” His anguished eyes peered into my own. “She lives and breathes in front of me this very moment. I wish I could write myself to be the man you deserve. But we are not my characters, and as much as I wish it, I know I’m not the man you need.”

“You’re wrong,” my voice cracked. “You’ve been the man I needed since the day you came into my life. No man has ever treated me with such deference. You have made me feel like your equal despite our very different financial situations. More importantly, you helped me recognize my worth. And the way you’ve treated my daughter has meant more to me than you will ever know. I know you aren’t a perfect man, but you are a good man. I see it in everything you do for Henry, Chloe, and me. And maybe it’s not your nature to think of others before yourself, but you are trying and that in and of itself says more about who you really are. It makes you the man I not only need, but want.”

His entire body shook, but not from the cold, it was as if he could hardly believe what I was saying. “I don’t want to try only to end up failing you. I won’t hurt you.”

I released a heavy breath. My hopes were dashed. “If that’s how you feel, then you already have. I’ll work for you until you can find a nanny to replace me,” I could barely say it through the raw emotion coursing through me and pouring down my face. The thought of leaving Henry and Miles was a pain I had never known.

Miles took my hand. “Aspen, please reconsider. Henry needs you. I need you. We can remain friends.”

“No, Miles, we can’t. I’m always going to want to be more than your friend. And I want to be more than needed. I need to be wanted. I deserve a man who will risk it all for me.”

“You are mistaken if you don’t think that I want you. I have never wanted anyone more. If I could, I would give anything to be with you.”

“Then give anything.”

He gave me a pained stare. His beautiful chest was raising and lowering at a mad pace.

I waited and watched him shiver in the cold. His mouth parted several times as if he was going to speak, but in the end, he walked away. I didn’t watch him go. I refused to witness another man walking away from me.

~*~

“Are you going to put Henry down today?” Emma asked while we were doing backward jogging with the girls to help them warm up before the game.

The answer was no. I was never putting him down even though he was getting heavy. I was going to snuggle him every second until he got a new nanny. Stabbing pain in my heart accompanied that thought. Which induced more tears. I felt like I’d cried all day.

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