Page 37 of Comforting the Grump

I held Ennio tightly as I rolled onto my back, taking him with me so he was now stretched out on top of me, my cock still buried inside him. He made a low sound of approval, then put his head on my shoulder. We were…cuddling. That was new. Iwas so not a cuddler, though I didn’t mind as much as I had expected to. Or as I should have.

“If you had more choice, would you have sex more?” I asked him.

“Absolutely. I like to play with myself and have an extensive collection of toys, but it’s not the same.”

“Well, anytime you need a good fuck, I’m happy to help.”

Silence.

Where the fuck had that come from? This was supposed to be a one-time thing, a sort of pity-fuck for me to see if I could perform if it was with someone I knew and trusted. To which the answer was a wholehearted yes, and I’d always be grateful to Ennio for giving me that gift of self-confidence, but it wasn’t supposed to be more than that. Regular hookups with my best friend’s little brother? That threw up so many red flags that I didn’t know where to start.

“Do us both a favor and ignore that,” I said, not meeting his eyes. “Just pretend I never said it.”

Of course, that was when my cock decided to get out of the game. It deflated and slid out of Ennio. A deep sadness washed over me, and I gently pushed Ennio off me and sat up. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Marnin…” Ennio grabbed my wrist, but his hold was too weak, and I slipped out of his fingers.

If I stayed even a second longer, if I tried to explain to him what was happening inside, I would lose it. Again. My breakdown in the parking lot of the urologist had been somewhat explainable and excusable, but breaking down in tears again wouldn’t be. That would be pathetic, and I didn’t do pathetic.

So I all but fled to my bathroom, where I turned on the shower and stepped under the stream as soon as it was hot. My eyes closed, resting my hands against the tiles. What washappening to me? I barely recognized myself anymore with being so emotional, the crying, the urge to lean on Ennio…and most of all, the deep desire to fuck him again.

I didn’t do relationships. Never had, never would. Not that anyone would ever want me long-term, but even if they were crazy enough to find my company tolerable, I’d never agree to anything serious. Monogamy was a foreign concept to me, and so was that sappy state of being in love, like I had to witness with all my friends.

Even Auden, always Mr. Cool and Self-Assured, had fallen so hard for Keaton that he’d turned into a lovesick…man. Not a fool because I’d never call him that, but boy, had his priorities shifted. No longer married to his work, he’d become a family man, fully devoted to his husband and their kids. He’d changed on some profound level, and I couldn’t even be mad about it because it had clearly brought him such deep happiness.

But that wasn’t me. Auden came from a solid family. His parents had been amazing, so loving and stable. Even after his mom had passed away, his dad had been a rock. Auden had that foundation of love and trust, the legacy of parents who’d loved each other deeply and had been in a near-perfect relationship. And so did my other friends. They’d all had that example of how to be a good partner and spouse.

Well, with the exception of York, maybe, who’d arguably had a more dysfunctional childhood than mine, though due to very different circumstances. He’d lived in the shadow of his older brother his entire life and had only recently stepped out of it and found happiness with his boyfriend, Quillon. No offense, but I credited Quillon with the solidity of that relationship since I was pretty sure he’d brought the stability and unconditional love York needed.

But for me, there was no solid foundation. I couldn’t even remember my mother anymore—or, as I thought of her, my eggdonor—and my sperm donor had been a piece of shit, always drunk and abusive. With a background like that, being as fucked up as I was, I had no hope of ever being part of a solid relationship.

I wasn’t an alcoholic like my father, and I’d never struck another person in anger, but his DNA was still inside me. Sooner or later, the part of me that was like him would make an appearance, and hell if I was going to let my partner ever deal with that. I’d never put anyone through what I’d survived as a child.

No, I’d stay single and live vicariously through my friends. I’d be the fun uncle to Auden’s girls, the one who bought them Taylor Swift tickets and spoiled them. And it would have to be enough.

“Marnin…”

Ennio’s soft voice had me spinning around. He was standing there, still naked, watching me with sadness in his eyes. “What?”

“Are you okay?”

I was so not okay that it wasn’t even funny, but that was not his cross to bear. “I’m fine.”

“You could at least try to say it like you believe it yourself.”

I let out a sigh that originated in the very marrow of my bones. “Don’t, Ennio. Please don’t.”

He held up his hands. “I’ll back off. But I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”

“Don’t hold your breath, darling.”

He forced a smile. “Wasn’t going to. I know you.”

“Good. Then we’re on the same page.”

I deliberately turned my back toward him and grabbed the shower gel. Before I could squeeze some on my hands, Ennio’s body brushed against mine as he took it from my hands. “Let me.”

“Ennio…”

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