Page 89 of Sometimes You Fall

“That’s not about parenting.”

“No, but I still want to know these things. I want to be on the same page going into delivery so we’re not arguing about shit in the hospital and in case something happens, I need to be able to speak for you.”

She lets out a sigh. “I had an epidural with Chase, but I think I might want to try having this one naturally. I guess I’ll know once Iget in there and if the pain gets to be too much. It’s been a long time, but I know I’m strong enough to do it without the drugs.”

“I won’t judge you either way. I just want you to be comfortable and safe. You and the baby.” I reach over and place my hand on her stomach, rubbing small circles over our child.

“I felt a kick from the outside the other day,” she says. “That means you might be able to soon.”

“I’m ready for that.” Clearing my throat, I take my hand back and continue asking her questions. “Do you plan on nursing?”

“Yes. I didn’t do it for very long with Chase, but I would like to try this time. If we use formula, I’m okay with that too.”

“Selfishly, I want to be able to feed the baby as well, so whatever you decide I’ll go along with.”

“This is your kid too, Grady.”

“I want my kid to be fed, Scottie. I don’t care what that looks like, honestly.”

“Okay. What else?”

“How do you feel about co-sleeping?”

“Jesus, you really did read all of those books, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Scottie. Now answer the question.”

“How about you tell me whatyouthink about it?” she counters, putting the pressure on me.

“Honestly, I’m a little afraid of rolling over and squishing my kid. I know it can make things easier in the beginning, especially for nursing in the middle of the night, but a bassinet on the side of the bed might be easier and safer.”

“You make it sound like we’ll be sleeping in the same bed, Grady.”

“Do you think I’m going to leave you alone in the beginning, Scottie?” I say, refraining from just telling her that thiswillhappen, she just doesn’t realize it yet. Sadly, I think this woman has forgottenhow dedicated I can be to something that’s important to me—and now that’s her.

“I mean…”

“We need to figure out our living situation still,” I say, not letting her finish. “I don’t want to miss out on stuff, and if we were in the same house, it would be much easier for me to be involved.”

“That’s a big decision, Grady,” she replies, her voice shaky.

“I know, but it’s important to me. If there is one thing I want, Scottie, it’s that.”

There. Now I can use her insistence that I have a say to my advantage.

“We don’t have to decide anything now, but I obviously have more room at my place—for you, Chase, and the baby.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” she whispers.

Casting a glance at her briefly, I say, “Why? Afraid it would be too hard to resist me then?”

She blinks and then hits me with a reply that tells me tonight could change everything. “Yeah, I think it would.”

***

“Twelve diapers in a day?” I pop a piece of pizza crust in my mouth, trying to rein in my shock.

“Yup.” Scottie points her own crust at me from across the table. “Especially in the beginning. And don’t be surprised if you’re peed and pooped on by your kid. It’s going to happen.”

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