Page 56 of Sometimes You Fall

“And you’ve been keeping this from me all this time?” he says, his voice rising.

“Don’t yell atme, Chase! You shouldn’t have been anywhere near that garage in the first place!”

“It wasn’t my idea!”

“It doesn’t matter,” I counter, lowering my voice once more. “You were the one that did the damage and went along with the idea, so you are guilty, a lesson that I hope you freaking learned from. You don’t have to be in charge to still reap the consequences of a choice.”

“And what about the consequences of having sex? Shouldn’t you have used protection when you and Grady…” he trails off, shaking his head and visibly shuttering.

“We did! We did and it still failed!” I shout back, even though I never imagined sharing this much detail about how his sibling was conceived. “But let this be a lesson to you too that things don’t always work, even when you prepare for them. And maybe in the future, you should use two condoms anytime you choose to have sex!”

Uh, not sure this is the time to give your son advice, Scottie.

Chase plants his hands on his hips, as ifhe’sthe parent that’s disappointed inmeright now. “So what does this mean? Are you two getting married?”

“No,” I reply instantly. “No. We’re just friends. We knew each other a long time ago in high school and now we’re having this baby together, but we are not romantically involved.”

“You don’t want that?”

Well, there’s another thing I didn’t think we’d be talking about.

“I…” As I try to find the right words, Chase’s eyebrows draw together. “I’m trying to keep things as uncomplicated as I can. I don’t want another situation like with your dad.”

My son’s jaw flexes tight. “So what happens now?”

I close the distance between us and take his hand. “We keep doing what we’re doing, and in a little less than six months, there will be a new baby to love on.”

“And what about Grady?”

“He and I are figuring out how things are going to work between us. He wants to be involved in his kid’s life and I’m not going to deny him that opportunity.”

Chase rolls his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts.”

My heart breaks in that moment for my son, for his tumultuous relationship with his own father, the one that has jaded him so deeply that he doesn’t feel that he can trust men.

“Grady isn’t like your father, Chase.”

“Not now, maybe. But…”

“No. He won’t ever be,” I say, more resolutely than I feel because I can’t have Chase discounting the man Grady is already. I know he has his own feelings toward him given their complicated relationship, but as his sibling’s father, he can’t think that way or say those things out loud. I don’t want this child to hurt like Chase has, and I’m going to try to do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen, including keeping my feelings for Grady locked up tight.

“What I need from you is to just keep working off your punishment, do what Grady says on and off the baseball field, and focus on yourself. Don’t worry about what’s going on between him and me. Anything we decide, we will let you know, okay?”

“I don’t get a say in anything?”

I swallow hard. “If it affects you, then yes, of course you’ll have a voice in the matter.”

He scoffs but nods. “Fine.”

“I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry our fresh start is more complicated than I hoped it would be.”

Chase pulls me in for another hug. “It’s okay, Mom. This is a surprise, for sure, but…it might be kind of cool to have a little baby around.”

The warmth in his voice eases some of the tension in my chest just slightly. “I love you. Having you come into my life was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced. I know this baby is only going to amplify the love in our lives.” I look up at him. “You are the most important person in my life, Chase, and that won’t ever change. NowI get to make another child the center of my world, and I’m scared but excited too.”

“I can’t believe you had sex,” he mutters, making us both laugh.

“One day you’ll understand. There will be someone you’re drawn to in a way you can’t quite explain.”

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