Page 33 of Sometimes You Fall

But I guess the first question that needs answering is, is Scottie going to let me be there for that? How involved does she want me to be in this kid’s life?

She left in such a rush yesterday, and I still don’t have her fucking phone number, so I haven’t had a chance to ask her about what this is going to look like.

Is she going to move in with me? Where is she even living right now? When is she due? How is this going to work with our jobs? Will we need daycare? What about Chase? Does he know he’s going to be a big brother yet?

Regardless of the lack of answers I have right now, at least I know this—I’ll be damned if I’m not there for every moment I can be. Astrid and I grew up without our dad in the picture. He left just after Astrid turned two. I was five and barely remember him, but what I do remember is that he wasn’t there—not for birthdays, Christmases, or baseball games. He wasn’t in pictures, and I always had to explain that my dad wasn’t around.

That willnotbe my child’s life. Scottie and I have a lot of shit to figure out, but I know for certain that I will be there for everything, and she can’t deny me that opportunity. I am going to be in this child’s life, even if Scottie doesn’t want me in hers.

But can I be the father I didn’t have? Is that a part of a man that’s instinctual, or will I feel like I’m trying to fill a role I was never meant to play?

“Fuck.” I drag a hand through my hair, making it look worse, I’m sure, then drain the other half of my beer, toss the can in the recycling, and head to the bathroom. When I come out, my sister is standing there, waiting for me. She pulls me back to her room, shuts the door behind us, and takes a seat next to me on the bed.

“Grady.” She rubs my back again. “Talk to me.”

“It’s Scottie, Astrid.”

“Scottie…. Scottie…” Her eyes widen in recognition. “Wait. Scottland Daniels?”

“Yup.” I throw myself back on the bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling.

“I saw her in town a few months ago, around Christmas. She stopped by the bakery with her mom and grandma.”

“Well, that was when I ran into her, so…”

“And you two…”

“Slept together,” I finish for her. “I’m sure I don’t need to explain how babies are conceived.”

She slaps my stomach, making me wince. “Don’t get snarky with me. I’m just trying to process this out loud, okay?”

“Sorry.”

“Walk me through it. I thought you guys were just friends, at least back in high school you were, right? What happened? But spare me all the dirty details, okay?” she wrinkles her nose. “You are my brother, after all.”

Sighing, I sit up and replay that night—seeing her at the bar, talking and flirting even though we were just friends before,how she made me feel, taking her back to my place, and how she left without saying goodbye.

Astrid’s eyebrows pinch together as she listens, and when I get to yesterday, when Scottie told me about the baby and then took off, she smacks me in the back of the head. “What the fuck was that for?”

“You let her leave, Grady.”

“What was I supposed to do?” I rub the spot her hand connected with.

“Not let her leave while she was clearly upset.”

“Well, we both were.”

“But she’s carrying your baby, so you can’t be mad…”

“Why not?”

“Because she’s pregnant! That’s the reason!” She throws her hands up in the air. “You can’t be mad at a pregnant woman. It’s a rule. Her mind is not her own, and neither is her body. Hormones make you do crazy shit.”

“But…”

She holds up her palm to stop me. “No. I get it. She left and didn’t say anything, but I’m sure she had a reason. Hell, she lived in another state at the time. Adults can have sex and it mean nothing more.”

“But it meant something to me, Astrid,” I admit, my voice low. I think the part that’s getting to me the most is that there are feelings involved, at least on my end. I felt it that night and every day after she left me without a backward glance.

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