Page 53 of Sometimes You Fall

I glare down at the boys. “Nothing.”

Chase peers up at me from the bench, his brow furrowed because he must have heard what they said. And I’m sure he’s wondering why I didn’t say anything back.

Why didn’t I tell Ryan how disrespectful and out of touch those boys are with reality?

Because the opinion of a sixteen-year-old boy isn’t relevant.

Spinning around, I go back to the edge of the dugout, hanging my hands over the railing while I will my heart to stop racing. I clench myfists together, taking in deep breaths and blowing them out as one of our players gets a double, putting us on base.

“You sure you don’t want to tell me what’s going on?” Ryan asks, taking his spot beside me again.

“It’s not important.”

He drops his voice and says, “Jared is a fucking douche.”

I twist my head to meet his gaze. “Are you allowed to say that about a kid?”

“I can if it’s the truth. His dad is always on him about being the best at the game, and thinks his kid walks on fucking water, but the truth is, he’s mediocre. If he practiced as much as he ran his mouth, he’d be a much better ballplayer.”

I huff out a laugh and direct my eyes back to the field. “I never thought the hardest criticism I’d face in this position would be from the kids.”

“Take it as a compliment. They’re in the presence of baseball royalty.” He places his hand on my shoulder.

“Ha.”

“You’re right where you’re supposed to be, Grady. And even if the only kid you get through to this year is Chase, your expertise could change that kid’s life.” I turn to face Ryan again. “All it takes is one person’s influence to change the entire path we travel.”

Ryan walks away from me to hustle the boys together as we prepare to go back on the field. The pitcher on the other team struck out our next three kids at bat, but we’re still ahead with three more innings to play.

As I watch Chase take the mound again, I glance back at Scottie. She’s snapping pictures of her son on her phone, smiling. Then she places her phone in her pocket, beaming as she watches him do his thing.

But the pride on her face? It’s so mesmerizing that I can barely look away.

I should be watching the game. I should be coaching, which is what I’m here to do.

But all I want to do is watchher.

Is that how I’ll feel one day watching our kid do something they love? Will the nerves of watching them succeed, intertwined with the fear of seeing them fail, ever go away? What advice will I give my child when they encounter haters like I just did?

The responsibility of my impending fatherhood slams into me for the hundredth time, feeding my own insecurities about my capabilities as a parent. I’m terrified to let my child down, to not say or do the right thing, but I know that Scottie can teach me how to navigate that. Hell, she’s a remarkable mother. The love she has for Chase practically oozes from her pores. Her entire life changed when she had him and she instantly fell into that role without a backward glance.

But can I do that too?

I had to walk away from baseball completely because losing it was the worst heartbreak I’ve ever suffered. Being around it again, though, reminds me of the joy it brought.

And that’s what being around Scottie again feels like too.

My eyes find her belly, concealed by her blouse, but I know there’s a bump there.

My kid will be here in less than six months. My life will look completely different.

But I’m the one in control of how it looks, right?

For once, that truth radiates from my mind.

I have the choice of where to go from here. For the past five years, I felt the complete opposite. But now, my future is so clear—and it includes Scottieand Chase.

I just hope I don’t strike out with no one to blame but myself…again.

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