Page 19 of Kill, Sleep, Repeat: Vol II

Hannah scrolls through the photos without even looking up from the screen, her thumb flicking up and down, passing by selfies, campus shots, random pictures. I can’t breathe. It’s like she’s flipping through the pages of my life, each one feeling like a mistake. I watch as she stops.

The phone buzzes. A new message.

Zoe.

Hannah reads the message out loud. “Who is this?”

I feel my stomach drop to my feet. I want to die right there. I can’t breathe. Everything feels like it’s spinning out of control.It’s too late.

Hannah glances at me, her eyebrows raised in surprise. “Who’s Zoe?”

I stare at her. The words won’t come. I want to lie. I want to pretend I don’t know who she is, but my mind is blank. My whole body is numb.

“Hold up,” Hannah says, and I know she’s found it. She’s found the thread with Zoe. She’s reading the message.

“That’s…that’s pretty messed up, Hayley,” Hannah says, her voice quieter now, like she’s trying to make sense of it. “This is some psycho shit.”

She hands the phone to Max.

I don’t speak. I can’t. The room feels like it’s closing in on me, the walls pushing in. I can’t get enough air. It’s like I’ve been caught under water, and I’m sinking.

“Who’s Zoe?” he asks.

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to lie my way out of this.

I try to force a laugh. It comes out sharp, too fast. “I…I don’t know. Just some girl.”

I can see the screen clearly now, even though I’m not looking at it.If you’re smart, you’ll stay away. Otherwise, I will end you.

The message I wrote. The one that’s about to ruin everything.

I didn’t think it would ever come to this. I thought no one would ever see it, that I could pretend it didn’t matter. But it’s real now.

Hannah doesn’t look up at me. She doesn’t say anything for a long moment. She just stares over Max’s shoulder and reads.

My heart slams against my ribs. I can feel the pulse in my throat, in my hands, like it’s going to explode. I don’t know how to get myself out of this.

“Wow, Hayley,” Max laughs. “I knew you were a bit strange, but this is certifiable.”

“It was just a joke.”

Hannah looks at me for a long time, her gaze cutting through me like a knife. It feels like she can see right through the lie. There’s no need for words—her silence sayseverything. I can feel it: her doubt, hanging in the air, thickening with each passing second.

She doesn’t buy it.

And in that moment, I know: it’s only a matter of time before everyone else knows too.

16

ANONYMOUS

Ireally can’t be sure if I want to kill her or fuck her. Probably both. What a bloody mess she’s made of things. And it just keeps getting worse.

This is the thing you cannot begin to understand about a woman like that—it’s damned near impossible to let her go. Try as you might. It’s like trying to tear a thread loose from a sweater while it’s still on your body. She doesn’t leave you. Not physically, not mentally. She’s a constant. A shadow you can’t shake, no matter how much distance you put between yourself and her.

I first encountered her at some vapid work event, customer appreciation, I think they called it. Not for me. It was nothing but glassy-eyed smiles, flimsy name tags, and small talk. Not my kind of thing.

But there she was—the kind of woman who can make you feel like a side note in your own life. She had that air about her—effortlessly charming, too good at making people feel comfortable. I didn’t trust her immediately, but there was a crack in the armor. A vulnerability I couldn’t quite put myfinger on. Her laugh was too loud, her words too rehearsed, as though she were playing a part.

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