Page 54 of Mail Order Bride

“This is going to hurt,” I said as I carved into him.

I'd taken him to my favorite mausoleum at Great Oaks Cemetery.

Now that we had a bit of privacy, it was time to make him suffer, and it was time to give him a taste of his own medicine. I carved out his eyes, took out his nails and teeth, then I pushed on his mouth and snapped his jaw. I hit him on the back of the head with the flat of the blade and his body went limp. He was still alive, but hanging on by a thread. Eventually, I did what I had to and put him out of his misery. And that was that.

I cleaned up and showered using the hose at the cemetery. I changed my clothes and drove straight here to the Apricot Inn to hand off the goods to Yvette. And by goods, I mean the bag of body parts. It’s important not to leave fingerprints or teeth on account of dental records, the things that make it easy to identify a body. I expected to be delivering a fully alive person—that I’d be meeting my new boss—but my wife is here instead.

I guess it’s a good thing I killed Remy Swanson after all. I wouldn’t want that kind of filth within a thousand miles of the likes of Gina.

“I should have known better,” Gina says, her face in a sneer.

“It’s not what it looks like,” I try to assure her, but it's pointless. She's in a rage.

Yvette just stands there grinning. Like this is the best entertainment she’s had all year.

“This is Yvette,” I say, gesturing toward her. “My cousin.”

“Your cousin,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Good one.”

“My Aunt Barbra’s daughter. Tell her,” I say to Yvette.

“Nah,” Yvette says. “I ain’t his cousin.”

My stomach sinks.

“What?” Yvette says. “Why lie? Just tell her the truth. We got business together.”

“I want a divorce,” Gina says.

“You're overreacting,” I say, which both women apparently agree are the worst two words I could utter.

Yvette looks at me and bursts into laughter. “Oh my God.” She clutches her chest, and she’s laughing so hard she’s nearly hysterical. Finally, she looks at Gina. “I'm a whore, but I ain'thiswhore. Honey, you couldn't pay me enough.”

“I'm sorry,” Yvette says, doubling over again. “It's just that this is the funniest shit ever.”

“What kind of business?” Gina asks.

“Grave digging,” I say, and I’m not exactly winning any points for creativity.

“Protection,” Yvette says at the same time.

Gina shakes her head slowly from side to side. “Well, which is it?”

Both, I want to say, but don't. “What I meant to say was that Yvette is like a cousin to me. We grew up together. I check in on her from time to time. That's all.”

Gina looks at Yvette as if to say,“Is that right?”

“He helps me out,” Yvette says with a nod.

“You are so full of shit,” Gina hisses. “The both of you.”

I watch as she walks to the door.

“Where are you going?” It's a stupid question, but as you can see, I'm not exactly making the best decisions.

“I'm getting the hell out of here,” she says, turning around. “Marrying you was the worst fucking idea ever.”

“I'm sorry, boss,” Yvette says. “I should've lied. But that was just so much fun.”

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