Page 2 of Love to Stay

I give him a thumbs-up. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll be the pussy hater.”

“Good man.” O.P. thumps me painfully on the back. Pedro adds his own pounding before the two of them leave to do whatever it is that they do after beating me up in the ring.

I give my body another thirty seconds to recover before heading to the locker room. While dressing, I get a call from my sister, Lauren.

“How’s everything going? I hate that you’re all alone. Should I come down?”

“You’re pregnant, so no.”

“Doc said I could fly,” she counters.

I look around the empty, silent locker room with almost all the lights off except the row above me. Back in the city, the gym I practiced at was always full, and when I went home, Laurenwas usually there, and if she wasn’t, the lights were on, and it felt…warm, like home. This place is fancier. The locks are digital and opened by a fingerprint compared to the combo padlocks at my brother-in-law’s gym. Lights are turned on and off with the switch back home whereas all the lights here are run by sensors, which means if you sit too long on the bench you can find yourself in total darkness. Should she come to me? Should I go home?

“And Griff?” There’s silence and then a change of subject. “I ran into Josie the other day.”

The name sends a shiver down my spine. I never think of Josie except every other moment. “What did she say?” I try to sound nonchalant, like it doesn’t matter.

Lauren hesitates. “Not much. She’s delivering food nowadays. She said she’s saving up for a new computer. I offered to lend her money for a new one, but she refused.”

“She would.” Josie isn’t much for handouts. She was probably offended by Lauren’s offer. “Did she say anything else?” Like that she missed me? That every minute we’re not together rips her heart apart?

“No.” Lauren’s tone is so full of pity I nearly choke on my own embarrassment. Of course, Josie didn’t mention me, didn’t ask about me. We were just neighbors at one time who occasionally played computer games together. Now I’m in Las Vegas training to be a professional boxer, and she’s just some small-time hometown girl who never showed any interest in me anyway. I don’t care about her.

If I say it enough, I’ll believe this lie.

Chapter Two

JOSIE

Iknow who you are…

I stare at the five words on my Discord. I should ignore them. No one knows who I am. Not here at least. I keep who I am hidden for one reason. One that really freaking sucked, but girls in the gamer world aren’t welcomed. You’ll get harassed two ways. Sexually or people wanting to be cruel. All of it is gross.

All I ever wanted was to play and be treated like everyone else, but as my popularity grew, so did people's curiosity about who I was. They made it their mission to try to find out more about me and put a face to the name. The memories of how creepy it got send a shiver down my spine. I go to tab out of the page, but another message pops up.

Girly

My stomach drops. They know I’m a girl. Whoever it might be.

Two years ago, I started over from scratch. Before, I didn’t hide who I was. While it sucked to lose everything I had worked so hard to establish, the harassment had escalated to an unbearable level. There were a few players that really startedto scare me. For peace of mind alone, I deleted everything and started again. Only this time, I kept myself hidden.

Josie girl… don’t you miss me?!?

Everything inside of me stills for a moment before panic sets in, and I clear all the browsers out and exit everything.

“Shit.” I throw my headset onto my desk.

I grab my phone off my desk and pull up his number but stop before I hit dial. I would give anything to hear his voice. For him to say my name one time and put me at ease. The way that only he can. But I don't want him to come running back here. I drop my phone back down on my desk before I actually give in and call Mick. This isn’t the first time that I’ve had to stop myself from calling him. And I’m sure it won’t be the last.

I’m pissed at myself that I’m pissed at Mick. I was the one who pushed him away, but it still burns. I miss him every damn day. But it would have been selfish for me to have wanted him to stay. I couldn’t do that to him. I knew it was his opportunity to get out of here and away from his old life. I wasn’t going to be the reason he didn’t go.

Before he got into fighting and still lived across the hallway from me with his sister in our shitty apartments, he got himself into trouble. Fighting kept him out of jail, but a selfish part of me wanted it to be me that could have made him straighten up.

It's a foolish notion, given that we were both teenagers at the time. He was merely trying to make sure he and his sister had food on the table and a roof over their heads. The two of them were a team. I wish I had that.

One of the reasons Mick and I had bonded so quickly was because of our shared anger with our mothers. He was my person, though I’m not sure he ever knew that. I always tried to play it cool with him and keep him at arm's length.

When so many people who are supposed to love you hurt you, it’s hard to trust someone who could just choose to do so. The concept itself strikes me as absurd. Yet somehow Mick had still managed to make his way past all of my walls and wiggle his way into my heart.

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