Page 18 of Love to Stay

Ithink Mick ruined me. I huff, rolling over in bed for what feels like the hundredth time. It doesn’t help, though; sleep is still evading me. My blanket is wrapped around me, but I’m still cold. Okay, maybe cold isn’t the right word.

I just miss having Mick’s warm body close to me. I hadn’t slept that nicely in ages. Why did they have to have stupid double beds? Right when I was thinking I could allow myself to give in to what I really wanted from Mick.

I was hoping we could have a wild weekend before we parted ways. It would be a final goodbye, and I wouldn't spend the rest of my life wondering what it would be like if he kissed me. To feel his rough hands all over my body.

Because I know that at the end of all of this, I will have to fully break away from him. There is no way my heart will survive this. I can’t be his friend. I don’t have it in me, and maybe that makes me a total bitch, but the world has fucked with my heart enough. I have to protect what’s left of it.

I roll over again, hoping to find my phone. Maybe I could read a book or something to make me tired. “You all right?” Mick asks into the darkness. His deep voice doesn’t help my situation.

“Yeah, just restless, I guess.” I turn to face him, even though I can't see his face clearly. There is only a soft light coming from a digital clock that projects onto the ceiling. “You?”

“Guess I’m the same.” The room falls quiet again.

“Talk to me,” I whisper, wanting to hear him.

“All right, let’s play a game,” he suggests.

“Do not say truth or dare.”

“Scared?” he teases, making me laugh.

“More like lazy,” I lie. I really just want to lie here with him.

“All right, how about just the truth?”

“We just ask each other questions?” That might be interesting.

“Yeah, you've been keeping secrets from me.”

“Not secrets, really.”

“Call it whatever you want. Either way, I don’t fucking like it.” I love that he wants to know everything about me. I wish I could let him in. I guess I am scared.

“All right, I'll go first.”

“Have at it. I’m an open book.”

“You really haven't been messing around with the Vegas girls?” I ask, allowing my curiosity to get the best of me. Okay, maybe it’s actually my jealousy asking, but who’s keeping track?

“Fuck, Josie.” I cringe at the hint of anger in his voice.

“What? You don’t want to answer it?” I guess that’s all the answer I need. A nonanswer tells me all I need to know.

“No, that’s not it at all. It’s that I’ve already said before. Do you think I’m lying to you?” This time he doesn’t sound angry but upset.

Ouch. Shit. He’s right. “Sorry, I guess I thought you were being a gentleman and not kissing and telling.” I have to admit that even though I may have hurt his feelings a bit, I’m doing a happy dance on the inside that he hasn’t been with any girls here.

“I’ll always be straight with you, Josie. Now ask another question because I’m not counting that bullshit one.” I can’t help but smile.

“Why not?”

“It’s against Pedro’s rules. No girls.” Oh, right. That makes sense. My internal celebration comes to a halt. “Not that I have any interest.”

“Really?” I blurt out, hoping I don’t sound too excited.

“None,” he says without a thought. I never saw Mick be into a girl back in school.

“What about guys?” I ask, just to make sure I’m covering all my bases.

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