Page 24 of Forbidden Dark Vows

It’s a great idea … for anyone else. But not for Ruby. I haven’t known her for long, but I think that Ruby will be more impressed by thoughtful gestures than by grand expensive ones. Then it comes to me, and I know what to do.

With the help of several nurses, one of whom is the sister of a publisher, we locate a local author who has been compared toa modern-day Emily Bronte, and I arrange for her to visit the library and discuss books with Ruby.

I’ve never been so nervous in my life. I spend the rest of the day eying the door to my hospital room, waiting for it to open and for Ruby to fling her arms around me and tell me that no one has ever made her feel so special.

But she doesn’t come.

We shared something special. I will never be able to erase the memory of Ruby straddling me with her breasts exposed, her hair cascading over her shoulders, the way she kissed me back with such passion.

I didn’t misread it. I know I didn’t.

So, why the silence?

“Do you want me to go and find her?”

Ronnie has been back to the hotel to shower, change his clothes, and get a decent night’s sleep, but he has still been arriving shortly after breakfast with a basket filled with sweet pastries and fruit, and staying until lights out. Flights out of Chicago are still canceled, and he said he has nothing better to do, but I think he’s secretly worried how I’ll react to the news of Alessandro’s death.

And, whether he wants to admit it or not, he’s already invested in me and Ruby too.

I shake my head. I don’t want to hear that she isn’t interested in me. I don’t want her to ask Ronnie to make me stop. I’m not ready for disappointment, not on top of everything else.

When the nurse pokes her head around the door later that same day, my heart almost leaps out of my chest. “Telephone call.” She comes in, pulls the covers back, and helps me onto my feet.

“Who is it?”

My heart is pounding so loudly, I think I’ve misheard her when she says, “Your father.”

I glance at Ronnie who keeps his head down, his face scrunched up in disappointment. He’s nowhere near as disappointed as I am; I can barely drag my feet along the corridor to the phone in the nurse’s station.

The nurse leaves me to take the call in private, and I raise the phone to my ear, my heart skipping erratically with the fading adrenaline rush. “Dad?”

His clipped voice drums home the aching disappointment: Ruby isn’t going to call. “You’re still alive then?”

I don’t respond.

“I couldn’t get a flight. The blizzard,” he continues. “Lizzie and I, we’ve tried to keep things straight in the office, but there are some … issues that require your attention.”

“Okay. Thanks, Dad.” That's all I can manage.

“How are you? When are they sending you home?”

“Soon. I’ll be home soon, Dad.”

I end the call. Back in my room, I climb into bed and roll onto my side with the covers pulled up to my chin—I can’t deal with Ronnie’s questions.

I’m still waiting to hear from Ruby the next day when the doctor announces that I’m ready to be discharged. I want to ask the nurses if they’ve received any telephone messages, but I don’t want to sound desperate. Needy. Pathetic.

Ronnie fetches clean clothes from my hotel room and helps me dress. I take one last look at the room where I first kissed Ruby Jackson and make my way through the hospital to the waiting cab outside.

I’m quiet in the car on the way to the airport. Ronnie has taken care of the tickets and settled my hotel bill, and he doesn’t press me for conversation.

So, I’m caught off-guard when the cab stops outside the library where Ruby works.

“Why have we stopped here?”

“I’m not traveling back to New York with you moping like a kid who lost his favorite ball.” Ronnie leans across me and opens the passenger door. “Go speak to her. I’ll wait here.” When I don’t move, he says, “Go get the girl for chrissakes.”

My legs are trembling as I climb out of the taxi and make my way into the library. This is Ruby’s natural habitat, I tell myself— a backdrop of bookcases overflowing with other universes and magic and adventure. I feel as close to her here as I did in the hospital, because I’m breathing the same air as her, I’m walking in her footsteps, I’m seeing what she sees when she’s working.

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