Page 48 of Revved up & Ready

“I’m fine,” I say, looking down.I can’t look at his face right now.

“That’s obviously not true,” he says, releasing my arms. “Was it something Devon said? Are you two okay?”

“Devon made some really frustrating and accurate points about some things I don’t want to talk about,” I say. Her words repeat in my head:"He should know how upsetting motorcycles are for you, and why."“And Istilldon’t want to talk,” I finish, trying to focus on steadying my breathing as I walk toward the house.

“You don’t have to,” he says, following me.

This is why we could never actually date.More of her words come into focus:So, you hate a core part of yourboyfriend’s identity—his career?Already, it’s everything I can do not to imagine him bloody and broken on a racetrack.If we were actually dating, actually in love—I cut off the thought.We never would be. I can’t allow it, and he wouldn’t want it either.

“You don’t have to, but I think you need it,” Cam continues.

I turn on him. “I amfine. Sometimes the idea that you race motorcycles—” I take a steadying breath. “It makes me—” I search for kind words, but come up empty. “It’s reckless. It’s unnecessary. You’re endangering your life for no reason, and it stresses me the fuck out.”

He moves to speak, but I hold up a hand to stop him.

“No, thank you. All you need to know is that I’ve committed to doing this with you. I’ll show up again at some point, I’ll support you, and I will deal with my own anxiety. And when your season’s over and my ex is married to someone else, we can stop this.” I gesture between us. “And then I never have to think about motorcycles again.”

He flinches, like I’ve physically hit him.Shit. That was mean. I should apologize. I should—

His jaw tightens, and he exhales a heavy breath. “You can’t keep avoiding every tough conversation. You hate motorcycles, but you won’t tell me why. You won’t block your ex, and you won’t tell me why. These things weigh on you, and you’ll have to carry them alone if you don’t—”

“Why is everyone up my ass about blocking Jared?” I snap, gesturing out the window toward the place Devon’s SUV was parked. “Did you twocoordinate?” I couldn’t explain this to my friends—they don’t know about Cam and me—but at least he’ll understand. “If I block Jared, it ruins everything. That was the wholepoint.”

“The point was to make himjealous, not to let him keep disrespecting you,” Cam says.

Okay, so hedoesn’tget it.

“It’s not that he’s disrespecting me,” I explain. “He’s confused. It wasn’t that long ago when we were together. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“I’ll show you why I’m up your ass about blocking your ex,” he says, holding out his phone. “Thisis the asshole whose feelings you’re trying to protect?”

My stomach drops when I see the screen. There’s a conversation between Jared and Cam. I hadn’t thought Jared would stoop this low, but I’m not surprised.

Jared: You’re a joke.

Jared: Are you fucking kidding about Sadie? Do you know anything about her?

Jared: You’re an idiot if you’re dating her. She was begging me to take her back last night.

My blood boils. “I never begged him to take me back. I wouldn’t—I don’t want him back.” I say more to myself than to Cam.

Jared: You’re wasting your time with her. She’s not worth it.

Jared: She’s a waste of time.

Cam: Stay away from her.

Jared: Just trying to help you out before you waste your time with that boring bitch for years like I did.

Cam: You are useless. Get fucked.

My heart thuds heavily in my chest, shame rushing to my face.That man used to love me,right? He had to. I wasn’t delusional for those nine years, was I? He must have loved me at some point. But what the hell has he turned into?

I hand Cam his phone back. “Why didn’tyoublock him?”

“Because I don’t trust him, and I want to know what he’s up to,” Cam says, dipping his chin to meet my eyes. “You deserve so much more, so much better. He doesn’t deserve any part of you.” Cam taps the phone screen. “You want to win your breakup? Moving on with your life without him is the best way.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I breathe.

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