Page 98 of Love Not Qualified

I gulped. I was used to getting through tough stuff alone, it wasn’t the first time.

So I got my remote and went to playJohn Wickmovies when I suddenly burst into tears. Now I couldn’t even watch my comfort movies because of that asshole.

Shit, he didn’t even like them.

THIRTY-FIVE

HAELYN

I couldn’t sleep all night, mostly because of how puffy my eyes were from the river of tears I shed and the constant headache that didn’t go away no matter how many pills I popped into my mouth.

When the clock hit six a.m., I found myself unsure what to do. I had work today and even though every bone in my body wanted nothing more than to be laying down in bed all day, I wanted to prove to him I wasn’t a mess. I wanted to show up there with my chin lifted and look like he was nothing to me anymore.

So I got up, dressed as nicely as possible, and hid my eyebags with a soft touch of make-up. I didn’t wear makeup and doing it now might just reveal the sleepless night I had, but I doubted he’d notice I had a faint trace of concealer and mascara on.

Before I left my apartment, I checked my messages to see if Merielle texted me. She hadn’t, but I knew she needed me.

I rang her number with the intention of letting her know I’m keeping my promise to be there for her, despite the circumstances.

She picked up after the second ring. “Hi, Hae,” Merielle said out of breath.

“Hi.” I smiled at the sound of her voice. Even if she didn’t know what happened and wasn’t going to know anytime soon, hearing her voice smoothed the pain in my chest a bit. “How are you two holding up?”

“Um,” she started. “We are at David’s parents since he didn’t want to come back home for his recovery.”

I nodded. “You okay?”

“I just wish… he’d come home, you know? I want to take care of him, but he won’t let me. So I’m just sticking around, ready for when he wants me.” Her voice broke, and my shoulders slumped.

“Be there for him and he’ll eventually see how much he means to you. I promise,” I said, counting on the fact that David loves her more than anyone in the world.

“Thank you, Hae.”

“Anytime.”

And I meant it. We might’ve not been in the best situation, but she was still my best friend and I had to look out for her. The same that she did for me every time I needed her.

“I have to go. His mom is giving him his medication and maybe he’ll let me come in when she’s around.”

My chest heaved. It hurt to know the only way they’d talk to each other was around his mother or a member of his family.

“Take care. I love you,” I told her.

“I love you too.”

I knew she meant it, but I couldn’t pass the sadness in her voice.

“Thank you.I’ll be there on Monday with my final decision,” I spoke into the speaker, the phone tucked between my shoulder and ear as I opened the door to my office, and then the call ended.

I talked to them as if I already made a choice I came to terms with, when in reality, I had no idea what I was going to do. Maybe the best thing for me was to decide on the spot. Maybe when I was going to see her, I was going to know what I had to do. If not…

Well… I had to ask for more time.

My decision wasn’t an easy one. It wasn’t like I had to choose what flavor of ice cream I wanted. No. I had to figure out the best option for my mother and not for me.

Because if I were to think about me when I made my choice, I was going to keep her alive. There was no way I was going to lose my last living family member.

But then, was that the life she wanted? Did she want to live tied to a bed?

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