Page 97 of Love Not Qualified

“Haelyn.” He tried to talk, his hands coming toward me.

I instantly took a step back, placing my palm in front of him. I couldn’t look at him anymore.

“I was going to tell you.” He tried to excuse himself.

“When?!” I snapped, throwing my hands over my body. “This doesn’t make things right. You should’ve used your real name from the start, so the ‘I was going to tell you’ means shit to me.” I didn’t know how I managed to explode that way when every fiber of my body shook. “You had something in mind but I can’t figure out what it is. You slept with me which I thought was your ultimate goal, so why the fuck am I here? Why did you ask me to stay? Why did you do sweet things for me if you were lying all the time?”

“Haelyn.” He tried to step closer once again, but this time I put my chest forward. “Everything I said about how I feel about you is true, I never lied about my feelings for you.”

I laughed, throwing my head back. I didn’t find it funny, but disturbing. “Feelings for me? Is that what you do when you have feelings for someone? Fool them into thinking you’re someone you’re not and lie to them until you get caught? Because to me, it seems like that was your plan. What I don’t understand, though, is what you got from this? Some kind of twisted satisfaction or what?”

Tristan’s jaw twitched as if it was about to pop out at any second. Was he mad he got caught? For how long did he thinkthis was going to go? Did he really think I was never going to find out?

For fuck’s sake, I didn’t even try and still discovered his sick game.

“I wanted to tell you so many times, you have to believe me,” he begged. “I knew I should’ve told you the moment you stepped in my office, but I was too much of a coward. I didn’t want to lose you.”

Anger swam in my veins. “You didn’t want to lose me when you didn’t even have me, but now, after you had me, you lost me.”

“Haelyn, please,” he tried again, but I shook my head. I wanted out of here as fast as possible. I tried to turn around, but he grabbed a hold of my arm. “Do you want me to beg? To get down on my knees?” He didn’t even finish his sentence and he dropped to his knees at my legs. “I’m fucking sorry.”

For a moment, my chest hurt for him and the pain in his eyes. But as much as I wanted to believe him, I just had the proof of what good of an actor he was. I wasn’t going to let myself get played again.

“You and I”—I gestured at us—“Or whatever this thing between us was, is over.”

With those last words I walked away. He was still on his knees, begging a shadow for forgiveness.

My chest hitchedas I choked down a sob, the ache in my head pounding like an angry drum in my ears. I had cold tears running down my cheeks and the only time I stopped walking was when I got inside my apartment.

I dropped on the couch, then hugged myself, my limbs ready to give up.

It wasn’t fair to be this affected by what Tristan has done to me. I thought I wasn’t expecting anything from him, that I didn’t trust him, and that I wasn’t going to ever feel betrayed by him no matter what he did. Yet here I was, my heart shattered at the tip of my toes.

He reassured me, struggled to make me happy, and I, like an idiot, believed every single word that came out of his mouth.

What happened was my punishment for daring to believe I could be happy when my mom was in a battle between life and death.

How could I let myself get attached to him? How could I be such a fool?

Tristan knew who I was the moment I stepped inside his office since he planned all of this all along. He acted with rough edges and uninterested, playing the role of my boss in reality, and through messages, he made himself my friend, a confidant, then let me think there could be more for us.

He played with me and when that wasn’t enough, he decided to send me mixed signals in person as well, just to see if I would give in.

And I fucking did.

Why couldn't I enjoy my moments of silence and peace? Why did something have to happen every time I felt a sense of calm? Was I not worthy of living a happy life?

I cried and cried until my pillow was wet with tears. I needed my friend now more than ever, but I couldn’t do that to her. If I called her right now to tell her what happened, she was going to be at my door before I knew it.

I smiled at the thought of her.

Merielle was my family and I knew we were going to get through this. I knew she and David were going to get backtogether and that we were going to learn how to make a trio work.

She was sensitive and cared about the people around her and I knew now that by pushing David aside, she tried to prove to me that nothing in our relationship had changed.

But it had. We grew closer than ever and most of the time David was the reason for that. He knew how to be a good boyfriend and not distance her from her friends and offered her space when she needed it.

I had to stop demanding her attention nonstop, I knew that. But what could I do when I needed her like I needed air and I couldn’t reach her?

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