Page 95 of Love Not Qualified

My feet curled under his sheets and I dragged them under my chin, looking at the ceiling. They smelled like him, like us. It wasn’t right to feel so comfortable in the bed of the one person that should’ve been off limits, yet here I was, my limbs relaxed and the feeling of safety settling on my chest.

The shower ran in the other room, and I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply.

I couldn’t believe I’d done that. I slept multiple times with my boss—my infuriating, cold, self-centered boss—and strangely… I didn’t regret it one bit. And over that, I was practically living in his house for the past few days.

Something about that made it crystal clear to me that I couldn’t keep the chat with Chad open like an escape hatch. It was like I was waiting for Tristan to fail and I refused to attract that type of negativity upon myself.

Plus, I completely forgot about Chad since our trip and since he hadn’t texted me, he might’ve too. For some reason, the thought didn’t upset me at all.

If I thought about it, Chad wasn’t something long-term either.

A friend to tell your day about? Definitely.

Some sexting now and then? Maybe.

But a boyfriend? A husband? No. Not a chance and we both knew that. Yet I hung on to him as if he was my only salvation for my desperate urge to find someone. That wasn’t right—holding onto someone just to make a silly wish come true. It was the same thing I did with Merielle.

Maybe I was meant to die alone for my sins. For not getting Nash back.

No. Stop thinking that way.

I bit my bottom lip, then stretched to the side to grab my phone from the nightstand. I kept it between my fingers with the screen turned off, unsure of my decision. As much as I was hesitating, I knew deep down it was the best thing to do.

After all, I just spent several nights in someone’s bed who made my heart beat ten times faster when he was in a room. Someone who sees me the way I am. Someone who won’t make me feel ashamed about my problems. Someone who makes my thighs lock together with a mere glance.

The only issue was that he wasn’t the right person. He wasn’t, right?

Tonight was supposed to make things clear, but I found myself in a fog trying to figure out my feelings for him. It was obvious we didn’t need to fuck each other out of our system, so where did that leave us?

I was at war with my mind and my body.

My body vibrated in pleasure at the thought of him being alone in the shower where I could go whenever I wanted to create a remake of last night. It heated under his stare, his touch, and it purred in the morning when it woke up under his big and strong arms. It felt like a traitor, not wanting to move from his hold and pretending to be asleep just to get more of him.

My mind on the other hand though, screamed, fought and sent red signals that I was stepping into a dangerous zone. That what was happening was impossible to revert if things went the wrong way. That I could lose my job. That I could break the two of us.

My body and my mind weren’t on good terms at the time. They simply fought which only made it harder for me to acknowledge my true feelings.

Was I afraid of losing him? Or was I afraid that I was still miles away from finding that person?

In a situation like this, it was very easy to confuse feelings. So I needed to sort my shit out before giving Tristan a reply.

And it started with Chad. If I wanted to be fair with myself and also with Tristan, I had to cut all ties with him, and then tell Tristan about it.

I took a deep breath and opened the app, my finger lingering on the X button. I didn’t know why I hesitated. After all, Chad admitted he couldn’t be the one I was looking for and while I wasn’t certain to this day what that meant, I had to admit we didn’t have a future.

Mom and Dad met on a dating app? Yeah. It was bullshit.

Me

Thank you for your friendship. You’re a really nice guy and I hope you find the right person one day. Be safe.

With that last message,I pressed the closing button and a window popped up. It read ‘Are you sure you want to close the conversation? You won’t be able to restore it.’ and I clicked yes.

The screen moved back to where I started, showing me available matches. I put my phone back on the nightstand, but then Tristan’s phone buzzed right next to it. The logo got my attention.

I didn’t know Unlock was such a popular app. Before David told me about it, I’d never heard of it. But maybe for someone like Tristan who probably had multiple hookups in a week—not with his assistants because he made himself pretty clear—it was a must.

My lips pursed and I intertwined my fingers with each other, moving my feet from side to side under the sheet.

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