Page 93 of Love Not Qualified

So instead of following my heart, I let my rational part win. I had to put some distance between us even if it hurt.

This was something I should’ve done long ago, but I was too selfish to do it. After that moment when I heard David complain to Merielle about their relationship, I should’ve stepped away.

I walkedout of the hospital after five hours, trying and failing to keep my tears inside.

Leaving Merielle like that on the hospital chair was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It didn’t feel right. Not when for the past few years we shared every moment together—good and bad. But that was the problem. We did everything together andbecause of me, David and Merielle barely got time to enjoy each other. I was like a pain in the ass that didn’t want to leave.

God. I was the worst friend.

How could I have been so blind? Or did I notice everything but was too selfish to care about anyone else but myself?

Shit.

I gulped, placing a palm over my chest. I knew I was doing the right thing, but then Merielle was the last important person in my life and distancing felt like putting a big wall between us. Maybe that was why I clung so hard to her. Because I was afraid she was going to leave me just like the rest.

My feet carried me away through the parking lot. I had no idea where I was headed. It was cold as a frozen lake outside and I only had a jacket on top of my t-shirt, but I didn’t seem to care.

My eyes stung from the wind as tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

Why did I have to be such a mess? I was a package with past trauma, family issues, and problems that seemed like they were following me every step of the way.

That was what I was. I was a problem magnet.

Two repeated honks got me out of my thoughts and I snapped my head to the direction where the sound came from. I squinted my eyes and saw Tristan behind the wheel of his grey BMW. His brows met halfway on his forehead, eyes frantically searching over my face.

I stepped closer, sniffling.

He watched me walk to his car and the way he looked at me was as if he knew.

Was I giving myself away that easily?

I opened the door after recollecting myself and got inside. The warmth immediately reached me and I sunk into the comfort of the seat.

“Why are you still here?” I found myself asking, stealing a glance at him.

He twitched his jaw, the hand on the steering wheel flexing. “Did you think I was going to let you walk home alone?”

I knew it was a rhetorical question, so I didn’t bother to reply. I bit the inside of my cheek, looking out the window.

“What happened?” he asked so softly, it was as if he was afraid to upset me with his question.

What happened was that I got the prize for the worst best friend this year. But I didn’t say that.

“David had a work accident and he broke up with Merielle,” I explained, already feeling the rush of the tears approaching once again. He stood silent and waited for me to finish. “It’s my fault, you know?” I forced a raise in the corner of my mouth, seeing the confusion on his face.

“How could it be your fault?” he asked and then I felt one of his palms laying on my shoulder.

At the unexpected touch, my body instantly relaxed. I let a bubble of air out of my mouth before giving him a sincere smile.

Last night was amazing and in the real sense of it, we both changed. I was sure we were going to part ways once the sun was back in the sky, but after the fourth round that ultimately led to the eighth, made it clear to both of us that we couldn’t fuck each other of our system.

While we didn’t put a label on our relationship, things felt harmonious between us. The only thing last night did was prove we wanted each other more than one night and that it got us closer.

“I got between them and I practically lived at their house. They never had any privacy because of me,” I said.

“And how is that your fault?” he asked again, this time seeming somehow angry. “Was it your fault that you felt safe around them and they never gave you the message that youshould leave?” He continued and then grabbed my palms in his. “A real adult would’ve told you how they feel. Yes, it might’ve hurt, but then you would’ve known what to do.”

I shook my head. “I can’t blame David for what happened.”

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