Page 84 of Love Not Qualified

At the realization, I was the first to leave, marching to my friend’s room. She stopped in front of her door, throwing me one last sad look before stepping inside.

Fuck.

This vacation was the worst idea possible.

With a sigh, I knocked on the door.

We were alreadyon our second hour on the road and neither of us had uttered a word. When the clock hit midnight, I was expecting to see her folding into a corner and letting sleep take her. Instead, she stood wide awake with her eyes pointed ahead.

Maybe she was lost in her mind as I was now that the city we were living in was closer than the Mountains. The more I drove,the more I felt how we left the past few days behind, leaving a part there I didn’t want to forget.

In the last two hours, I kept replaying our moments at the cabin in my head, trying to keep every memory fresh—her sleepy face when we got there, the feeling of my fingers clenched in her, the laughter at the ski, the honest conversations. Everything ran through me in a desperate attempt to not leave anything out.

Never in my life had a woman made me feel like this—as if leaving the cabin stole what we had there.

No woman, except Haelyn.

“Look,” I heard her say, and I tried to hide my surprise. I thought the silence was going to stretch until we entered Los Angeles and I had to help her take her bag out of the back trunk. “You are my boss and I happen to love my job—it’s quite honestly the only thing I look forward to in a day.”

“And you are a valuable employee,” I assured her.

She took a deep breath. “Thank you. My point is, I would like to keep my job and not lose it over an almost one-night stand,” Haelyn explained, and I glanced away from the road for a second to see her frowned expression. “I’m not that type of girl, Mr. Graves. When I like someone, I commit to that person. One-time things are impossible for me because I can’t stop myself from getting attached, so I might as well direct those feelings to someone who wants a serious relationship, not just a fling.”

She didn’t have to name me to make me understand this was about us and that she thought I wanted her for one time, and then I was ready to discharge her. The fire burning inside me came as a confirmation that even if I had her in the back of my car right now, I’d be hard again as soon as I came.

‘Fling’ and ‘one-night stand’ were the words repeating themselves in my head because I didn’t know what I wanted from her. I knew the right thing was to leave this all behind and respect my promise of not sleeping with my employees, but Ialso knew that if I got the chance, I won’t be strong enough to refuse.

But was I going to commit for the long term? I didn’t know. Maybe.

Then, if I didn’t want a relationship, was I going to settle for friends with benefits?

Fuck no. Friends with benefits had no strings attached which meant she could see anyone else and I just had to stand there and swallow.

Was I going to let another man touch her?

Over my dead body.

If I couldn’t offer her what she wanted, was I going to let her see someone else?

Selfishly, no way in hell.

I took a deep breath, tightening my hold on the steering wheel. “You could never be a fling, Haelyn,” I said and stopped, afraid that much more was going to slip out.

“But could you give me something serious?” she asked, then threaded a hand in her hair and her tone gathered a sense of sadness. “Because no offense, I don’t know much about you, but I did hear about your activities with your previous assistants. So why would you do it for me?”

Because you’re different.

Because you made me forget the world exists for two days.

Because I didn’t feel like drinking when I was around you.

Because I liked to hear your laugh.

Because you’re smart.

I wasn’t surprised she heard that—especially with Sara as her guide at the beginning—but what caught me off guard was a completely different thing.

The sting of guilt in my chest was a rare feeling for me, but the burning paths of it hurt like a motherfucker.

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