Page 79 of Love Not Qualified

I tried to hide away the relief sweeping through my bones, but it was impossible. For some reason, hearing that she was going to spend another night here made me feel at ease. She didn’t know, but if she left, I would’ve left too.

“Just tonight,” I agreed.

“Come on,you just have to push forward a bit and press your feet into the ground,” I instructed Haelyn, right after we were equipped for a day at the ski resort one hour away from The Mountains.

Both of her palms were around my arm as her legs shook in the skis. She bit her lip and I kept my foot behind us for stability, then she took a deep breath while she followed my suggestion. Her knees bent forward which made her shoes slide over the snow just a bit, but then she arched her back and stopped, clinging harder onto me.

“No, I can’t do this,” she said, her voice trembling. “I’ll wait for you.”

“Woohoo!” Sebastian flew past us, the wind of his speed knocking our bodies. I kept us still and watched how Nadia quickly followed him.

The ski resort was the best thing around the Mountains, apart from the silence and privacy of the small town, and when Sebastian asked if we were going to respect our tradition, Nadia screamed from the top of her lungs in excitement. Haelyn tried to convince me she was better off at home, but that was out of the question. I wasn’t going to leave her alone in the house, so I somehow managed to talk her into doing this.

“You can do it,” I said, and her head snapped to mine.

I couldn’t see her well through the glasses and the hood on top of her head, but I had a feeling it wasn’t a pleasant face hiding underneath it. We were both dressed from our toes to the top of our heads and I hated the clothes for taking away her warmth from me.

A smile rose on top of my lips. “Try again, I won’t let you fall,” I promised.

She released a sigh before taking a deep breath, putting some strength back into her muscles. “Lean down,” Haelyn murmured, executing as she spoke. “Press your feet into the ground,” she repeated my words. “…and go.”

We both glided on the snow and I continued to hold her tensed body into mine, feeling how each one of her bones shook in fright. She inhaled deeply and it felt like we were going milesper hour when in reality, we barely moved from the place we started.

“Faster?” I asked the moment she relaxed.

“I don’t know,” Haelyn croaked out and I took it as my cue to skim the foot behind us to increase the speed. “Whoa.” She almost flipped behind at the sudden pace, but I planted my hand on the small of her back.

A strange feeling hooked its way inside me—something that made my chest buzz with so much fullness that I almost shouted from the top of my lungs. It was an overwhelming feeling, the kind of one you don’t know what to do with besides… living it. I couldn’t completely understand what was happening, but I accepted it.

I glanced at the woman in my arms and my heartbeat accelerated. Was she the one making me feel like this?

The rush of thrill was always present when I went skiing with my friends, but what I was feeling right now was unknown to me.

“Oh my god.” Haelyn laughed. “I can’t believe I actually let you convince me. My heart is beating so—” Then before I knew it, we were both twisting in each other’s arms, trying not to flip over.

Haelyn fell on her back and clung to my hand with a scream which made me land right on top of her. The arms I had sank into the snow were the only ones keeping a distance between us.

She breathed harshly and I arched my finger under the material over her face, then took it out to help the air get inside her lungs. I did the same with mine, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to release her from the cage of my body just yet.

Her hair buckled over the white blanket, the black curls in contrast with the light color underneath us. She blinked a few times, adjusting to the sunny sky above my head while I staredat her red cheeks and opened lips that begged me to take another bite.

Just another one.

“You lasted more than I did on my first time,” I told her and removed a small strand of hair from on top of her left eye.

She moved her attention to me, laughing. And her laugh was feeding my soul in a way that nothing could compare with it. No cars, no wealth, no partnership. Nothing could compare.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better about myself.” She planted her palms on my chest but didn’t make any move to push me from on top of her.

“Nah, I was really bad,” I admitted, recalling the first time Dad took me to ski. “My dad was a pro and he wasn’t as patient as I was with you. He stood right behind me, but let me crash into every tree I could find.”

Haelyn gave me a smile, that kind of smile I wasn’t growing sick of seeing. “Did it help you learn?”

“Yes,” I told her, brushing my thumb over her cheek. “I was mad at him for letting me—a seven-year-old kid—fall so many times, but then he showed me a scar on his shoulder and said that’s the main thing that made him run away from trees like they were goddamn burning.” I smiled at the memory.

Dad was patient, but he knew how to choose his moments. He taught me how to be a man and gave me lessons over lessons. I was the only one who actually listened and couldn’t sleep until he finished a story about his childhood and what he learned from it.

He was my model, but after he died my mind refused to see him like that anymore. Maybe, I should’ve remembered the good things he did, not only the way he left this world.

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