Page 60 of Love Not Qualified

I snorted. “If there would be a prize for the worst father in the world, he’d be the one to get it. Maybe that’s why I need that someone, you know? To show me that men aren’t just drunk and abusive pieces of shit.” I took a much-needed breath. “No offense.”

“None taken,” Chad added, then a few moments of comfortable silence passed between us again. “Haelyn?” When he spoke it reminded me that we were actually on a phone call.

“Mhm?”

“I wish I was that someone for you.”

I opened my mouth, somehow disappointed that what he said confirmed he wasn’t the one and he knew it too. “Yeah. Me too.”

TWENTY-ONE

TRISTAN

My six a.m. alarm went off and I pressed a finger to stop it, my gaze pointed to the last bottle of rum in my house. I stared at it all night, occasionally bringing it to my nose and inhaling the addicting smell, but I hadn’t taken a single sip. I couldn’t. Not after what Haelyn told me.

I know you’re not drunk, Mr. Graves, and I admit it scares me even more. Those who don’t get at least tipsy from three glasses of rum clearly have a history of drinking.

Those words ran through my head like an ongoing train with no destination. The urge to drink it all was there—the tug in my chest, the dryness in my throat, the constant headache in my temples, my sinking stomach—but every time I indulged myself in tasting the liquid, her voice sounded in my mind like a warning.

Fuck, she was right.

Until now, I lied to myself that I was in control, that I could stop this whenever I wanted to with a single thought—one more bottle can’t do any worse, I’ll stop after this one. And it never happened.

When she called me out at Gorig’s meeting, rage filled my veins, but now I realized she was right the entire time. I was addicted and it was starting to affect my daily life.

I couldn’t go on like this.

I always blamed Ryker for the downfall of our relationship, yet I never took a moment to consider I might be at fault. With being drunk or busy with work every day, I neglected my brother. My responsibility.

There was no one to blame but me and I was the only one who could fix things.

My legs pushed into the floor of my office as I rose, taking the bottle between my hands. I got out, closing the door behind me as I strode to the kitchen and buried the rum in the trash. Without any intention of letting what I did settle in the back of my head, I took the stairs to Ryker’s room so we could have breakfast together before I left.

I just want someone to love me.

My jaw ticked at the echo of her voice, my feet pounding heavier onto the ground with each step I took. Since I’d met Haelyn, she’d never been so vulnerable and the thought that the only reason she opened up was because of how I acted like a dick… that was not how it was supposed to go.

Today, I was going to her office to apologize, then tell her the truth about pretending to be Chad on the stupid app. There was no reason to keep this away from her anymore since it was only going to do her harm. She seemed like she’d been through enough and I wasn’t going to take the opportunity of her finding the one when I knew I wasn’t what she wanted.

To show me that men aren’t just drunk and abusive pieces of shit.

I wasn’t abusive by all means, that was a line I would never cross, but I did have a drinking problem I needed to fix on my own, and I couldn’t play with her feelings while that happened.

She deserved to find that someone without getting her heart broken in the process.

An image of a man touching her soft skin with his hands, her head thrown back as a low moan passed her lips flashed into my mind.

My fingers curled into fists around my body and before I could think my reaction through, I opened the door to Ryker’s room.

“For fuck’s sake, Ryke,” I cursed, shutting the door behind me as I caught a faint image of a blonde girl giving him a blowjob. “Maybe give me a heads-up next time?”

“Learn to knock,” he said between grunts, and I didn’t want to hear how my little brother fucked a girl at six a.m.

The appetite this guy had was insane.

He was eighteen, I wasn’t expecting him to be a virgin at this age when neither of my brothers were, but I hoped he would have at least been more subtle about it. I shook my head as I found my way down, a small smile creeping its way on my lips.

Ryker didn’t even know Dad caught me at fifteen fucking one of the maids in the garden.

---