Page 57 of Love Not Qualified

“Another mojito, gorgeous?” Eric appeared from behind me, wearing his black apron with a full glass in his hands. “Oh—Uh,” he muttered after a few seconds. “What’s wrong?”

My mouth twitched as the attention on me multiplied and I treated Eric with my profile. I was really in no mood for his usualflirting. While most of the time I found it amusing, right now the only interest I had was getting rid of the lock in my throat.

“Nothing,” I said, my nail anchored in the table.

He was silent when he leaned down, placing the glass next to my hand. I immediately slid it to Merielle, giving her a look even though she did nothing wrong. Unfortunately for her, I had to redirect my anger to someone.

“Okay… I’ll leave you all to it,” he mumbled under his breath before whirling on his heels and stopping at a group of people next to us to see if they needed something else.

I swept my eyes to him, guilt settling in my guts. He had nothing to do with this, and Eric was a nice guy so I opened my mouth to apologize, but Christian talked before I could.

“You barely eat anything, Haelyn.” He was the first to break the ice on what they previously agreed.

My head snapped to him. Christian offered me a soft smile, his features dimming into a look of compassion and as much as I liked to return that, I couldn’t. Instead, my mouth hung open and my eyes lowered to the floor.

“It’s true.” David nodded in approval.

“Look, Hae.” Merielle was the last to talk. “I love you from the depths of my heart, and even if your boss went over the limit, he wasn’t wrong, you know. You always had a problem with eating, but lately, it’s getting worse and I’m afraid it’s affecting your health. It seemed personal and you’re not really the type to open up about your past, so that’s why I didn’t ask any questions.” Her hand traveled to mine over the table, soft fingers caressing the bridge of my palm. “You can’t go on like this.”

From anger to an unsettling feeling of sadness, tears gathered in my eyes. I swallowed, not planning to let them slip on my cheeks. I dragged my hand from under hers, biting my cheek as I looked around.

My chin trembled, and I shielded my body, angling it away from my friends who witnessed my shame.

I thought they didn’t know. I thought I hid it well.

“Sleep over at my place. Let’s talk about this.”

My heart stuttered and there was this falling, spinning-down feeling that made the world seem to be moving in slow motion. I knew my problems like any person knew their own reflection and I learned to accept them, but the closest people I had watched me like a lost puppy because of it.

It was always like this for me. My family grew poor and the food we had was split; though, it should’ve been enough to feed four empty bellies, Dad ate extra all the time. Mom would give us her portion, but when she got so skinny she was barely able to walk on her legs, I started lying about getting food at school and how that was enough to fill my stomach.

I was only partially lying because Georgia, one of my classmates, would share her small meal with me. I’ve learned to not feel the loss of food and the sight of my little brother and mother eating was enough to dim the hunger. I didn’t need anything else. A half meal a day and some stolen fruit was sufficient.

When my mother and I left, we were short on money, so there wasn’t any difference with the amount of food we got, especially when she got sick. Since then, every paycheck I had went into her health care and a small part of it paid for my utilities and food.

Working at the Graves Company wasn’t meant to change my life, but my mother’s. I was rarely hungry anyway and when I tried to eat a proper meal, vomit rose into my throat.

So, what was the point in eating when I was going to feel sick seconds after the food passed my throat?

“Hae,” Merielle pushed, her soft tone barely hearable over the voices in the bar.

I got up to my feet, grabbing my purse as I patted my fingers under my eyes to dry the stubborn tears that escaped. “I’m fine.” I smiled. “I just realized how tired I am. I’ll see you guys tomorrow?” I asked, the stretch of my lips starting to quiver.

Because I was positive I was going to burst into tears at any second, I left without their reply. I strode between the tables, my vision getting blurry with only one destination—the exit.

I heard someone calling my name, but I ignored it and continued my path, pushing the doorknob down with force. When I stepped outside, my tears felt cold on my skin.

“Hae!” My friend’s voice grew closer. Before I could decide where to go, she appeared behind me, grasping my hand. “Talk to me,” she begged.

I didn’t look at her. I was too ashamed.

“I just need to be alone right now,” I said, blinking through my tears as I forced up a smile.

“Don’t shut down on me.” Her voice sounded like a painful plea, her own eyes filling up.

“I love you,” I said, kissing her cheek before I turned around with no destination.

With every step I took, I felt her eyes watching me, burning deeper and deeper. Merielle was my friend, I knew that. And I knew I shouldn’t push her away, but she couldn’t tell me anything I hadn’t told myself so many times.

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