Page 122 of Love Not Qualified

My eyes landed on a white envelope and my lips formed into a smile, despite the heavy exhale. That body of mine was a traitor. I leaned down and took the paper in my hands, flipping it between my fingers a few times before opening it.

Haelyn,

It was strange not to have you here while you were gone and even if you didn’t stay for long, I felt your absence. Not just at work. I felt the absence of your texts, your laugh, your voice. It followed me everywhere.

I took a deep breath, my stomach turning into twirls. He wasn’t in his right mind. He was saying he missed me and I?—

The naked truth was I didn’t know what to do or how to react.

I’m glad you are back and I promise I’ll do things right this time.

I gulped. His entire note was coded. Tristan said ‘I missed you’ and ‘I’ll win you back’ with different words. I thought it was his loophole in case I was mad at him for speaking his mind.

My fingers tightened on the note and I placed it in my bag on the floor, then turned on my feet and knocked on Tristan’s door. My heart was beating in my ear like a drum and my breath sounded like a whistle, but I somehow managed to look recollected when he opened the door.

He stood there, calm and tall, glancing down at me. A sparkle was hiding behind his eyes and I knew he was curious what I hadto say about the surprise in my office. I took a moment and let my eyes caress the strong edge of his jaw, the fullness of his lips, and the sharpness of his nose.

Tristan was watching me expectantly and an image of me raised on my tiptoes, my arms around his neck, and lips plastered over his flashed in my mind.

I internally shook my head.

“Thank you for the flowers,” I told him, smiling.

He nodded at me, burying his palms into his pants pockets.

“I’m glad I’m back too, Tristan,” I said, whooshing out a breath and letting my shoulders drop in defeat. “The surprise was sweet, but is it possible to not do things like that anymore? You’re misleading me when all I want is to figure out my feelings and I’m not able to do that while you keep doing cute things and act like you lost the love of your life. I need to sort things out on my own, without being influenced by everything you do.”

Tristan watched me, his eyes moving from one of mine to the other. He seemed lost in his own thoughts and just when I thought I upset him, he took a step closer.

His hands grabbed my shoulders before he spoke. “I’m sorry if that was the impression I gave you. Truly. I didn’t try to influence your feelings or anything like that, I just did what I felt,” Tristan confessed and my heart sank to the floor.

I should’ve kept my mouth shut because now, he took hold of my mind, of everything I was in that moment. I breathed out and I was glad he spoke first because I had no idea what to do.

“Everything I do is because you’re on my mind non-stop and all I can think about is how to make you smile or how to make you happy. I’m not doing all of this because I want to catch you in a trap, but because I feel so strongly for you that I don’t know what to do with those feelings. Sure, I want you to forgive me and give me another chance, but my actions are beyond that, I promise.”

For some reason, I hated that he was so sincere. I wanted him to lie, to act like a dick because it would’ve made my job easier. Now I was at battle with myself.

“Okay.” It’s what I managed to say at first. “Thank you again.” I raised on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek and my waist was instantly captured by his arms.

I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent before breaking apart.

FORTY-SEVEN

TRISTAN

Two weeks passed since I left a thousand roses in Haelyn’s office, a hundred for each day I spent without her. I tried my best not to influence her feelings as she said I had, but it was hard as hell not to do so.

I could barely keep myself from touching her, from texting her every night, and from smashing my lips onto hers. The gifts I gave her and my actions somehow erased a bit of that desperate need I had, but now that I stopped doing any of that, I was going crazy.

Was it that bad to influence her? Because then, if I wasn’t doing that, how was she going to know what decision to take? How was she going to know if I was worth it?

My mind was all over the place and that was exactly why I was staring at the white wall while Ryker talked to me on the phone.

“I guess we can go.”

Since Haelyn told me what she thought about my relationship with Ryker, it insignificantly improved. I dropped the ‘what’s wrong with you’ and asked him about how he felt instead. I wasn’t saying that he communicated that kind of stuff to me, but even if I never got a reply, he changed.

“I’ll get the tickets,” I let him know.

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