Page 102 of Love Not Qualified

As promised, the next day I emailed him my resignation because handing it in person was off-limits. I was afraid he would be able to make me backpedal and reconsider my decision, and that was something I didn’t want.

In the past two months, Tristan had me on his little finger like a puppet and controlled every aspect of my life without me noticing, so I wasn’t going to offer him a second chance to play his games with me.

I had enough on my plate without having him in my life and by avoiding him as much as possible, I was doing myself a favor.

“Maybe you should give him a second chance,” Merielle said from behind me, and I stopped short in front of the hospital, throwing her a glance. She raised her hands in the air at the same time with her brows. “What? You heard the guy. He was sorry,” she explained.

She insisted on being here for me on the day I was making the most important decision in my life and I didn’t have it in me to fight with her when she said she needed a break after those days around David.

And of course, since she came, she couldn’t refrain from finding out what happened since we last saw each other. So I toldher and even if I wanted to admit it or not, I could see it helped her forget about the disaster that was waiting for her back home.

I rolled my eyes. “An apology doesn’t change anything.”

She pouted and we got inside, the wind pushing us from behind. “Do you think if I said that when David told me he had a relationship when he met me we’d be here after four years? I was devastated when I found out, but he also never cheated on his ex. He didn’t know how he found his way every night in the bar I was working at and truth to be told, we only joked with each other and I served him one beer. Nothing more. But it was enough to make him reconsider his love life. Three weeks after his absence, he came back and asked me out on a date. Or like now when I’m practically begging him on my knees to forgive me. Does that mean my apology means shit?”

My eyes softened. “No.” I stopped in front of my mother’s room. “I know he’ll forgive you eventually, but I just don’t want to talk about Tristan anymore,” I urged, pressing a hand on her shoulder.

Merielle bit her lip, then nodded her hand. “I’m sorry. I know you just wanted to pour out your heart before coming to your mother and I rarely get the clue when to stop,” she said with a small smile. “I love you, Hae.”

I managed to lift the corner of my mouth. “I love you too. I just hope I won’t regret this decision.”

“You will, no matter your choice. You’ll always have a question in your head and I’m so sorry this has been put on your shoulders. But if I know something about you is that you’re the strongest person I know on this Earth and I’ll be here every step of the way if you let me.” Her eyes swelled with tears as a hand ran up and down my back.

I gulped. I might not have been the luckiest when it came to family relationships, but her friendship made me feel like I won the lottery. She was there whenever I broke down, eventhough she never knew the reason. She never pressed me to say something if I wasn’t ready and when I was, she listened without judging.

Merielle was my rock and in that moment, I felt as grateful as ever.

“Thank you for coming with me today,” I said, my voice cracking.

“I need this as much as you do,” she said as her hand traveled on my back.

We entered the room, the image of my mother lying under the white sheets and eyes lost got to me like a hurricane. My stomach sunk to the floor and I was ready to bolt out without a second thought when I felt a hand squeezing mine.

I took a deep breath and stepped forward, taking a seat next to her bed.

“Hi, Ma.” I smiled as tears ran down my cheeks.

Her eyes moved in my direction and I somehow relived all those moments years ago. When we left home, I was confident we could start fresh and get Nash back. But then my mother’s life slowly faded and the doctors explained the hit to her head plus the trauma response brought her to the state she’s in to this day.

Still, I didn’t give up. I worked three jobs, paid for her health care, and gathered money to drag my father into a lawsuit even after I spoke with a lawyer who assured me I had no chance of winning. One, because my mother was unable to raise her son. Two, because I had only one job out of three with a contract and I was underage. Three, I was about to land back right into my father’s arms. Four, because Dad had a salary, a house, and every resource possible to take care of Nash.

Until he killed him out of frustration because Mom never returned to him.

A shiver ran down my spine. Maybe if we waited longer… I would’ve been eighteen and capable of taking Nash away and he would’ve still been alive.

I shook my head, taking my mother’s hand in mine.

“I…” I looked for the right words. “I have to make a very hard decision today.” I swallowed the dryness in my throat. “I had two weeks to think about one and if I know something about you is that you were an independent woman. You liked to have your life in your own hands and look how it turned out… I can’t lose you, Ma,” I cried, pressing my head on her chest. “But I also can’t keep you locked up in your body for my sake. I have to let you go.” My shoulders shook and I couldn’t hold the ugly sobs from getting out of my mouth.

“You are everything I have left. I have no one else, Ma,” I said, removing myself from her so I could see her face.

But when my eyes landed on her, I froze. Her pupils dilated and even though her muscles rarely moved, the expression on her face was definitely a shocked one. She moved her eyes from side to side and her breath went erratic.

Shit.

I gave myself away.

I lied to her for so long that Nash was still alive, traveling, and now… I suggested he might not be here anymore.

---